Thursday Night Football is Turning into a Litany of Blowouts that Proves it has many more Drawbacks than Advantages

Posted: October 4, 2014 by Ravenation in Uncategorized

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by Ryan MeehanThursday night, I got home from working my second shift job that usually ends at about 9:15 PM every night. I fed the cat, stripped off my clothes, and closed the curtains in my living room before I realized I probably did those last two things in the wrong order. I quickly grabbed my television remote to switch to Thursday Night Football on CBS, a risky decision for anybody who is about to listen to Phil Simms get paid to speak into a microphone.When the commercial for erectile dysfunction medication left my TV, the broadcast resumed and the crawl at the bottom of the screen lifted to show that the Green Bay Packers had just scored their sixth touchdown and were now winning beating the Minnesota Vikings 42 to fucking not a goddamn point. Keep in mind here this is for the most part the same Vikings team that had ran up 41 points on the Atlanta Falcons just seventy some hours before, the same Falcons team that ended up in the NFC Championship Game just two years ago.

Let me briefly go over the advantages of having NFL football every Thursday night every week before you convince your children that a guy in a big red suit who isn’t a pedophile is going to sneak into your house and give them presents:

1) It’s good for the NFL’s revenue stream, and even if you factor in the Sunday NFL Ticket package that DirectTV puts together it still means more fans get to see more of the games.

2) It allows for the space between weeks in the NFL to be whittled down to two days, and nobody is going to lobby for Tuesday Night or Wednesday Night Football.

Those two reasons are pretty much the only advantages to this incredibly ridiculous setup. I can even counter both of those two advantages right now – First off, nobody’s taking out the world’s tiniest violin and gently bowing it over the NFL’s revenue stream. I think I speak for everybody who makes less than $200,000 a year when I say “Fuck them and their financial worries”. And to the second half of the first point – what good does making sure fans can see the game do if the product is that much more diluted? This makes the second advantage irrelevant, as there is now the same amount of space between quality football games as there was before this jackassery began in the first place.

So let’s take a look at the downsides to this whole mess. Now, I understand that the bullshit the NFL gives you as to why this needs to happen weeks one through sixteen instead of just the second half of the season like it used to. Their theory is that if there are sixteen games and two teams play each game, that multiplies out to thirty-two which is of course the number of teams in the league. Therefore, they can schedule all 32 teams to have to play on Thursday Night Football so nobody cries about other teams in their respective divisions having (virtually) the same amount of time between games. But, here’s the thing about that…If fairness is the issue here, let me ask you this:

Do all 32 teams have to go to London or Toronto as well?

Of course they fucking don’t, and if you do the math on that one with two games a year in England you’re only up to six teams. For the record, not that I give a shit about the Jacksonville Jaguars or Oakland Raiders but those franchises are getting the shaft. Additionally, they have to play a Thursday night game just like everybody else? I’m not sure if there’s a way to tackle this problem halfway, but I think at the very least if you’re playing out of the country you should be exempt from this garbage idea. Even for the Canada game – it’s not like the Bills are going to make the playoffs anytime soon anyway.

Since that’s out of the way, let’s take a closer look at the games that we have tuned out so far this year on Thursday Night Shitshow Fest…

Week One: Seahawks 36, Packers 16

This is fair game, because now it’s pretty much assumed that you’ll get to host the first game of the following year if you win the Super Bowl. (Unless you’re playing Peyton Manning, in which case forget it. You should be well aware of how that works by this stage in his career…) But why weren’t the 49ers coming to town and taking on the Seahawks for a rematch of the last thing we saw go down at that stadium? That’s the game we all wanted to see. Were we really that concerned

Week Two: Ravens 26, Steelers 6

I don’t know if you caught this one, but this was an awful football game to watch. Even if you are the world’s biggest Steelers fan and you put Heinz ketchup on your Black Cherry ice cream the second you get done sprinkling salt and pepper on it (gotta obey the Rooney rule here and make sure both sides are represented) there is no conceivable way that you could argue this was entertaining to watch. Your lead stat line for this match-up was Ben Roethlisberger throwing for 217 yards, one interception, and not a single touchdown.

Week Three: Atlanta Falcons 56, Tampa Bay Buccaneers 14

This was where things really started to fall off the rails. Tampa couldn’t make anything happen in this game, and while part of that was due to the fact that they were the Tampa Bay Buccaneers they’re still (sort of) a pro football team and they ate it because the Bucs need a little bit more time than half of a week to get their shit together. To put this in perspective, this was still a six possession game when it was over. Doesn’t anybody else think that’s kind of more than just being lopsided?

Week Four: New York Giants 45, Washington Redskins 14

I’m a die hard Giants fan that lives in Western Illinois and have loved by team since I was six years old. That being said, there was no way they were 31 points better than the Redskins even on a night where Kirk Cousins couldn’t find a red jersey if he was washing Manchester United’s uniforms. Oh, and this game was in Washington as well.

Just so we’re clear on this, I didn’t see exceptional play from the teams who won any of these five games. I saw unbelievably indescribable poor play on the other side of the ball, the play of a team who has had only three days in between games.

I could go on forever about how stupid this is, but it should be common sense. The competition committee has to know that this is a bad idea. I’m in favor of doing the Saturday games in week fifteen and sixteen, but why push it? And don’t give me any shit in the comments section about how this is a traditionalist method of thinking – I’m a huge fan of the two point conversion and I also agree with some of the other changes that the NFL has made in my lifetime. But flying teams to the same place where people with bad teeth are doing web searches on how to join ISIS so they can kill us and playing football on Thursday Night aren’t good ideas.

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