10 Questions with Blothar of GWAR

Posted: October 13, 2014 by Ravenation in Uncategorized
Tags: , , ,

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The Scumdogs of the Universe are sharpening their axes and stoking the fires of their great war engines in preparation for the fall 2014 GWAR Eternal Tour. Global leaders had hoped the bouts of terror accompanying GWAR’s annual rampages would finally come to an end with the passing of the group’s monstrous captain, Oderus Urungus. But tonight politicians, religious leaders, and citizens around the world are asking, “Why?! Why won’t GWAR just leave the Earth in peace?”  The band’s toothsome guitarist, BalSac the Jaws of Death had this to say:  “Something is wrong, unspeakably wrong. It feels as if the very fabric of reality has been ripped from belly to taint, and it all centers around Oderus’ disappearance. One moment, life is fantastic, as we celebrate the near sinking of Japan as a result of our recent journey across the Pacific; and the next, he is just gone. Suddenly the world is a dark, vile place with hordes of trolls biting at my hooves and daring to spit poison in my face. There is a great evil behind this, and I will not rest until I know what has become of my brother!”  There is mounting evidence of a disruption in the core of time, including the sudden appearance of the Berserker Blóthar, a Scumdog warrior who claims to be from the distant past. Apparently, he was sucked through a hole in the space/time continuum and deposited onstage in front of thousands of screaming metal heads. Fortunately for GWAR, he knows the words to all of their songs and has pledged to aid them by assuming the role of lead singer. Inexplicably, he is also a hell of a bass guitarist and he’s our guest today in 10 questions.

RM:  You’re a pretty beefy spacedude, so I have to ask:  What has your diet consisted of since you’ve arrived on this planet; and how is it different from what you are usually used to eating?

B: I mostly eat hot dogs, little napkins filled with butter cookies, and dixie cups of lemonade.  Its an outrage. I’m fucking starving. I’ve lost a shit load of weight since being sucked into this time. It is THE worst. Back on my home planet of Scumdoggia, I’m used to eating Spectral Moon Moose, that is what I am wearing on my back, the hide and antlers of a Moon Moose, but there are no Meese on your planet. In Ancient Earth, I’ve been subsisting mainly dinosaur dicks, and nuts, butts, and berries.

RM:  What was the most debaucherous backstage moment from the 2014 GWAR-B-Q that the lamestream media didn’t have the privilege of sharing with TMZ and the rest of these scumdog news channels that are cluttering up cable television?

B: I got sucked off after the show by Bam Magera’s uncle Don Vito. That was intense. I kept asking him to look at me while he was mouthing my man-teats, but he just kept looking off to the right with that weird eye of his.

RM:  As many know, you’re not the only new vocalist in GWAR…What’s the best way you can describe the personal and professional relationships that you share with Vulvatron; and what do we need to know about her?

B:  I think Vulvatron is a fox, I mean, literally a nine-tailed were-fox who is in disguise. How else could a creature be so lovely and beguiling, but also so full of hatred for all things human? She is sort of stuck up. She ignores me. I think she doesn’t like fat dudes, which sucks, because I would love to get between them titties if you know what I mean…She’s cool, but she’s a bitch, I don’t know! She knows a lot of stuff about the future and technology. Me? I stick to good ole fashioned magic.

RM:  When you were travelling through the space/time continuum, could you see what was around you?  If so, what did it look like?

B: Yes, it is like passing through the vagina of the universe, an intergalactic birth canal, lots of red flesh, and sticky goo and weird smells everywhere.

RM:  So, why won’t GWAR just leave the Earth in peace?  What is it about Earth that drives you to terrorize it so much?

B: The Earth sucks. Mother Nature is a whore. She lets humans fill her up with shit and kill off creatures much more worthy that human scum. We would leave this planet if we could. It’s like an intergalactic Gilligan’s Island, and I’m a cross between the Skipper and Mary Anne….You know? I hears front he guys that they actually managed to get off the planet once or twice, but they came right back because by now, the whole universe has been ruined by Walmart and other big corporations. I mean, you used to be able to travel to a gas giant like Neptune, sit on the shores of the Ammonia Ocean, and have the whole planet to yourself. Now, there’s a Starbucks on every one of Neptune’s rings. It’s a drag.

RM:  You’re going to be on tour soon and sharing close quarters with the band members…From what you’ve experienced in rehearsals, which one of them smells the worst; and why do you think that is?

B: I don’t think, I know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that I smell the worst! Oh yeah, I stink dude. Like Joy Behar’s taint after running a marathon.

RM:  Has the band begun working on the material that will eventually become the next GWAR record?  What are some of the topics you plan to tackle in the lyrical scrolls that will accompany that musical assault?

B: Yes, we have have. We are writing stupid songs that humans will love, because they are even stupider than GWAR, and that’s fucking hard to achieve! We write about what we know…fucking dinosaurs, the Crimean War, Kentucky Fried Chicken, Crack Cocaine, piss porn, you name it.

RM:  Here on Earth, there is a big debate over global warming and whether or not it should influence the two main American political agendas.  Since you’re from Scumdogia, do you think this entire thing is much ado about nothing; or have you experienced the polar ice caps of your own home planet melting to severe enough degree that you think humans should be concerned?

B: Well, humans better be careful, because there are all sorts of GWAR creatures frozen up in the Antarctic ice, and when that shit melts the place is going to be overrun with the creatures that brought about the great Ice Age. I mean, if some of the fans of GWAR think I suck, wait till they get a load of these atrocities; Mervin the Moist, he’s just a dish towel that rides a unicycle. Or PAM, the intergalactic office lady from the Planet Accounting…I mean this is some boring shit!  Or Amber Gris…she is literally a piece of shit, a giant frozen turd that moves like a slug and spits out thousands of gallons of waxy flammable cum she sucks from the belly of Sperm Whales.

RM:  Let’s talk about your antlers for a second, as I’d like to clear up a couple of rumors regarding those grand bastards:  Is it true that 1) The antlers grew out of you because you possess DNA from a dinosaur sized elk that is now extinct; and 2) That the antlers actually carry a charge that can electrocute humans when activated at your discretion?

B: 1) No! I wear the antlers of a Spectral Moon Moose I killed. I can however shape shift into a Moon Moose or other beasts at will.  2) Yes, the antlers can electrocute humans, but only when I go into a Berzerker rage and summon the power of the ancient beast.

RM:  What aspect of the upcoming tour would you say you are looking forward to the most and why?

B: I enjoy getting blowjobs from fat chicks. And skinny dudes. So, if you come back stage, or meet me back behind the dumpster out back of the club, I will let you blow me. And DONT forget to bring a bag of M&M’s, and some Ecstasy, I can’t get hard without it, And even then, it’s just a half-hard…so don’t expect much.

RM:  What’s up next for GWAR in the remainder of this decade, and into the next century?  Anything big in the works that we should know about?

B: Well, we are gonna take a dump on the chest of Rush Limbaugh, than kill him and use his corpse to fuck Glenn Beck in the ass. I’m thinking we will tour around a bit, play golf with Alice Cooper, get sucked off by Bono, you know the rock star thing, maybe record a few wax cylinders, try to bring back that technology, the ole wax cylinder…maybe save up for retirement. I’m thinking, if I have to stay in this time, I might try to find work as a sports broadcaster. I’d like to have my own fishing show. Fun stuff like that.

Official Website:  http://www.gwar.net/

Gwar on Facebook:  https://www.facebook.com/gwar

Gwar on Twitter:  https://twitter.com/GWARofficial

Blothar on Twitter:  https://twitter.com/ThisIsBlothar

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