NFL WEEK TWELVE WRAPUP

by Ryan Meehan

In week eleven, I think I finally bought into Tim Tebow. Additionally, the Bills and Titans both lost, so hopefully we here at FOH are now getting others to realize they are toy. “Toy” is a term that taggers in the graffiti subculture use to describe artists who are just getting started and doing subpar or below average work. It’s supposed to be degrading because the more experienced, better practiced taggers don’t want any poor artwork done on their turf. Remind you of anything? The NFL has a lot of teams this year that are toy, and in some cases it’s more obvious than others. Keep that in mind as we span the globe and take a look at what happened in week eleven.

Broncos 17, Jets 13

As I write the intro to this piece, it’s Thursday night. Tim Tebow just drove the ball 95 yards right through the middle of the heart of the New York Jets defense to score the game winning touchdown with just minutes remaining. I was one of the writers who honestly did not believe that Tim Tebow was not capable of one twentieth of everything that he’s accomplished up until this point. But you have to hand it to the kid, he wins football games. The Jets are in serious, serious trouble. They can still make the playoffs and put together a run like they have the past two years, but they are going to have to take advantage of that soft schedule in order to do so, making almost no mistakes along the way.

Eagles 17, Giants 10

As a Giants fan this game was frustrating as shit to watch at the end. Nothing like getting your heart ripped out after a solid boost of adrenaline. Eli Manning got the ball back with two minutes down 7 points to go, poised and ready to make yet another one of those 4th quarter Manning family comebacks we’ve all become so accustomed to. So he completes this forty-five yard pass to Victor Cruz and the Giants are at the Eagles 20 yard line and appear to be in great shape. But then on the very next play Eli has the ball knocked out of his hands and Philadelphia recovers, winning the game. And such is the life of a Giants fan. I could almost see it happen before the ball was snapped. To be brutally honest, the Giants just weren’t the better team here at all. Vince Young did a masterful job working the clock on that last Eagles drive and for a guy who hadn’t taken a snap all season he looked awfully good doing so.

Cowboys 27, Redskins 24

For a second, it looked like Washington might pull this one off. They were in place for Graham Gano to boot a 52 yarder in overtime to win the game but the kick went all Scott Norwood and the Cowboys were able to flip the switch and create the same opportunity for themselves, only they cashed in and ended up emerging victorious. Sixth straight loss for the Skins, but it was nice to see Donte Stallworth in the endzone as opposed to behind the wheel of a car. Although the Packers are the best team in the league, the Cowboys are definitely the hottest.

Bears 31, Chargers 20

Although the Bears looked good winning their fifth straight in this game, about two hours after it was over word started to get around to the news outlets in Chicago that Jay Cutler had fractured his thumb and would miss six to eight weeks. So, thus possibly begins the much dreaded Caleb Hanie era in the second city. That’s of course if they don’t try and bring a veteran in there and see what they can make out of a really bad situation. When I was going to bed last night I heard ESPN’s John Clayton make the point that since Mike Martz is the Bears’ offensive coordinator he wouldn’t be surprised if the Bears brought him in for a tryout because of the current situation. Martz and Bulger worked together in St. Louis, but I just think that he may stay retired like he announced back on August 2nd. I would be calling David Garrard now that Carson Palmer has already been extracted from his previous engagement. Chicago is playing some inspired defense and I can only hope for their sake that the whole Detroit Lions thing doesn’t pan out as I’d much rather see Chicago wild card weekend than have to watch the Lions take cheap shots at everybody on the field while their grounds crew is out in the parking lot slashing everybody’s tires.

Seahawks 24, Rams 7

Here’s the wrapup sentence from the actual NFL website regarding this game: “Seattle improved to 2-4 on the road in a game notable for sloppy play and 19 punts, including a season-high 10 by the Rams’ Donnie Jones.” The only thing that would have been noteworthy here would be the power running of Marshawn Lynch, but it doesn’t appear flashy this week as he missed the 100 yard mark. Seattle has won two in a row and just the thought of the Rams has put me to sleep yet again, a streak that looks as if it may never be broken.

Dolphins 35, Bills 8

If you weren’t already convinced that the Bills were pretenders, I’m sure this did the trick. It seemed like just a month ago I was predicting the firing of Tony Sporano, but for a football team that clearly isn’t going anywhere he’s got them believing in something. I have no idea how the hell he’s doing it, but it seems to be working. It shouldn’t be much of a surprise that the Bills weren’t constructed for the long haul…I mean, how long can you win with an Ivy League Quarterback and a roster full of sixth and seventh rounders? Remember the toys I discussed in the opening paragraph? That’s the Bills in a nutshell.

Raiders 27, Vikings 21

And just like that, the Raiders are alone in first place in the AFC West. And for the most part, the way the Chargers are finishing (or not finishing) games has Oakland set up to enter the postseason quietly as a wild card team should the Broncos’ luck run out. Adrian Peterson got hurt during the first quarter, but it doesn’t matter as Minnesota’s season is toast already. Have they even cut Donovan McNabb yet? Michael Bush had another 100 yard day on the ground for Oakland, and more importantly Carson Palmer didn’t throw any interceptions. Darius Heyward-Bay got injured in this one so let’s hope it’s not too serious. (that’s a lie, I’m not really all that concerned about it)

Browns 14, Jaguars 10

Are you fucking kidding me? I shouldn’t even have to even write about this. The sad part for the Jaguars is that the rest of their team is so poor, we might never actually find out if Blaine Gabbert is any good at the pro level. If you’re a Browns fan and you chuckled at that, just remember that the same thing could likely be said about Colt McCoy. Of course I’m kidding, nobody talks about Colt McCoy.

Ravens 31, Bengals 24

Two words: Torrey Smith. Look, I get that a great wide receiver usually has a great quarterback to to throw him the ball, but Torrey Smith made everything happen for himself on Sunday. Even when the throws weren’t exactly where he wanted them, he still made the catches and Baltimore got the W. Most of them were anyway, and Joe Flacco should be commended for his role in all of this as well. Not to take anything away from the Bengals, they aren’t quite AFC North elite-level yet but you have to admit they are hanging with the Pittsburghs and the Baltimores pretty much all around the league. Controversial call at the end of this one that worked in the Ravens’ favor, I’m sure that you’ve seen it by now so all I will say is this: I’m not a big fan of the rule about having to make a “football move” to secure a touchdown. I was always raised to believe that if you broke the plane of the goal line, the play stops right there, the clock stops right there, and it’s six points. But the rules are the rules, and everyone has to abide by them.

49ers 23, Cardinals 7

San Francisco’s in great shape at 9-1 because if Green Bay slips up anywhere along the way, the 49ers are in perfect shape to steal that one seed and secure home field advantage throughout the playoffs. Tough road game ahead on Thanksgiving night against the Ravens that could go either way. Once again, Alex Smith wasn’t spectacular (267 but 20 for 38) but he didn’t need to be as their defense held Arizona to only eleven first downs the whole game. Frank Gore was back, but Michael Crabtree stole the show with 120 yards on seven grabs. I suspect that once the 49ers get to ten wins some of the skeptics will begin to take their season more seriously.

Falcons 23, Titans 17

Thank God. The Houston Texans finally got some good news. It came during a week where they didn’t play, which is a little weird but it still counts. Roddy White caught seven balls for 147 and Matt Ryan had a healthy and relatively mistake free day. Plus, their defense only gave up forty-one yards on the ground and you gotta love that. I think the way Atlanta performs in the next six weeks will say a lot about the way that franchise is headed in the decade to come. It seems insane to me that Michael Turner can be a part of the century club on Sunday, and then the very next day it’s not even mentioned on the radio. It’s like if the guy doesn’t bust one for sixty yards he’s a non-factor. Hmmm. Matt Hasselbeck suffered an elbow injury which brought in Jake Locker, the injury doesn’t appear to be serious but Locker did alright in relief considering it was his first game.

Packers 35, Bucs 26

This one was a lot closer than I had anticipated. I don’t believe that the Packers will run the table because about every other week or so they show this scary sliver of vulnerability. They’re still the favorite, but remember once the playoffs start no one cares what your record is. They need to be sure they don’t end up like the Falcons and the Patriots did last year. Aaron Rodgers had another great afternoon but once again here, it’s the defense I’m worried about, particularly that secondary. The Packers just need to avoid buying into all of the hype and they should be able to focus. As for the Buccaneers, I think this was it. Given how many bubble teams there are in the NFC, it’s almost unthinkable they will be able to win out, and even if they did they’d still finish 10-6 like they did last year when they also didn’t make it in.

Lions 49, Panthers 35

Well, Cam Newton certainly had a stat everyone is going to remember in this one: He threw four picks. On the other side of the ball, Carolina’s defense just doesn’t exist anymore. I get that the Lions are 7-3, but there’s no way their offense is really as explosive as they looked on Sunday. Five touchdowns for Matt Stafford? Come on, how many of you legitimately believe he’s really that good? The Panthers have a good running game, it just never seems to translate into enough points to win unless they are playing awful teams like the Colts, whom they’ll see next week. Have to give it up to Kevin Smith here for scoring 2 TDs and logging 140 yards during a very emotional week for him.

Patriots 34, Chiefs 3

The Chiefs never had a chance in this one. When your fans are your biggest weapon, and your playing almost a thousand miles from home on night during a short work week not a lot of your people are going to make the trip, and they didn’t. Rob Gronkowski is in full beast mode. What’s interesting about the Patriots is the fact that if Wes Welker does get hurt, they now have this other guy that’s an all pro who can instantly step in and take his place. Trouble for the rest of the AFC is, he doesn’t get hurt much so most of the time you have to worry about both of these dudes. Didn’t see much of this game but Tyler Palko had three interceptions. Wait, who the hell is Tyler Palko?

As of right now…

I know a lot of people can’t stand the “if the season ended today” argument, but I have to at least come up with an outline here to give you some idea of what the playoffs are going to look like. In the NFC, I see the division winners as Saints, Packers, Cowboys, and Niners. Your two wild card spots could be filled by any combination of the following four teams: Giants, Falcons, Bears, and Lions. So this has the potential to come down to the last week and get very exciting. In the AFC, I see your division winners as Patriots, Texans (they’ll get there, trust me), Steelers or Ravens (remember now, Baltimore owns the head to head tiebreaker), and the Raiders. Wild card spots are most likely to be filled by the Jets and whoever finishes second in the AFC North. The Titans and the Bengals aren’t mathematically eliminated just yet, but it doesn’t look promising.

Bonus tidbit:

I heard a rumor circulating on Monday about the possibility of the Washington Redskins picking up the remainder of Peyton Manning’s contract. Although it’s a great idea, it’s highly unlikely that it will happen because of the amount of guaranteed money involved. I can honestly say I don’t see him finishing his career in Indianapolis given what’s happened. Oh, how quickly the mighty have fallen…

We are EEP.

Meehan

NFL WEEK TEN PREVIEW

by Ryan Meehan

Week Ten brings the start of these Thursday games on NFL network that are totally unnecessary. In fact, I can’t think of any football player that believes in forward momentum so much that he would prefer to play on only four days rest. But I suppose any NFL happenings are a good thing considering this horrifying scandal that’s coming out of Penn State at the moment. I’ll address this in another column but for now let’s keep the discussion at the pro level. The New England Patriots have finally released DL Albert Haynesworth and the Washington Redskins have finally parted ways with WR Donte Stallworth. Neither should be a shock to anybody, what with Haynesworth being ineffective and out of shape for a few years now, and Stallworth carrying the extra baggage of that pesky manslaughter charge back in 2009. Considering that both of these things are simply news items and will not have an effect on the rest of the season, here are the picks for week ten.

Oakland (4-4) at San Diego (4-4)

Here is previously mentioned Thursday night game. Somebody has to win and take charge of this division. Don’t get me wrong it’s incredibly unfortunate that someone has to due to the current playoff structure, but it’s true. Philip Rivers went out of his way in the Packers postgame press conference to mention that he wasn’t hurt and I wondered why he did that. If you aren’t hurt, you aren’t hurt, but don’t come out and say that the shoulder feels great because then it just looks like you don’t know what you’re doing. In his defense, I can’t write this paragraph without bringing up just how much the San Diego defense has changed in the last five years: It all started with the Shawne Merriman HGH suspension, then they lost Antonio Cromartie to the Jets, and ever since it’s been just downright depressing. the only legit guy they have back there is Quentin Jammer and he lets his over-inflated opinion of himself get in the way of almost everything he does. (Barring of course penalties) The Raiders are a trainwreck on fire before it even hit the ground…my oh my how their season has changed since Jason Campbell got injured. Carson Palmer has six interceptions the past two weeks (well, technically one and a half weeks) but you can’t throw Terrell Pryor in there yet because he’ll die in the pocket. Gotta go with the lesser of two evils here, even though the short week favors neither team.

Chargers 32, Raiders 13

New Orleans (6-3) at Atlanta (5-3)

This should be a good one. Don’t expect it to end 9-6 like the Alabama-LSU game did last Saturday. Both of these teams are coming off recent hearty beatings of the Indianapolis Colts, but check out this stat: The Atlanta Falcons have forced a turnover in the last 27 straight games, the longest streak amongst any NFL team. This could prove to be very key against a team like the Saints, who make Drew Brees throw the ball a lot. The Saints are up and down, they’re up at the moment due to the victory over Tampa. Therefore I like them to be down again this week, and even though it pains me to say it, they’re due for a major injury here any day now and this might be the week that happens. Also watch for rookie Julio Jones to have another big Sunday against a vulnerable Saints defense.

Falcons 34, Saints 24

Detroit (6-2) at Chicago (5-3)

It was hard to not be impressed by the Bears’ road win on Monday night at the Linc. In a move very uncharacteristic of his usual play, running back Matt Forte fumbled twice, losing both. However, I don’t believe this is going to be a long term type issue with a simple motion. (e.g. Tiki Barber fumbling or Chuck Knoblauch not being able to find out where the hell first base is) I still think the Lions are a farce and this is the beginning of a set of games in which we’ll find out if that’s actually the case. Back to the Bears, several crucial tackles and batted balls late in this one lead me to believe that they mean business. I don’t know if they’re Super Bowl bound, but they are a better team at home than the Lions are on the road, so I’m taking them by just a field goal.

Bears 21, Lions 18

Pittsburgh (6-2) at Cincinnati (6-2)

I’m saying the Steelers show up pissed and the Bengals get exposed. Getting your heart ripped out of your chest at home like that stings something fierce, and the Bengals aren’t used to playing a team that’s that mad. And it appears that the Hines Ward injury is relatively minor and he will be ready to go here. This will be rookie Andy Dalton’s first taste of Steeler defense, so I hope the Bengals have plenty of diapers on hand. Eighteen points sounds about right.

Steelers 35, Bengals 17

St. Louis (1-7) at Cleveland (3-5)

The Browns have won three games? Against who? I demand a fucking recount. Were they in some kind of field goal kicking contests that I didn’t see? If I were to break this one down I’d probably find out that you could look for a big day on the ground for Stephen Jackson, but why even do that? That’s not fair to me or anybody else that might be reading this.

Rams 14, Browns 3

Buffalo (5-3) at Dallas (4-4)

Still not sure if Buffalo is all that and a bag of chips, but they are better than Dallas. They’ll need more than eleven points to win this one, and that should be doable against Dallas, who looks average or slightly above on paper (10th against the league in rushing and 16th against the league in passing) yet has become notorious for giving up the big play on third down in a crucial situation. And Fitzpatrick needs to make one of those big plays in order to get his stroke back. I’m puzzled that I don’t have more to say about this…Miles Austin will be out with an injury but I didn’t see him being much of a factor against that Bills secondary in this one anyway.

Bills 22, Cowboys 20

Battle of Ineptitude: Jacksonville (2-6) at Indianapolis (0-9)

In the words of the immortal Carl Brutananadilewski: “You have got to be frickin’ kidding me…” I have to bring back the “Battle of Ineptitude” here. We made it through nine weeks without it needing it but I’m afraid the NFL has left me no choice. The Colts have nothing to gain and everything to lose by winning any of their remaining seven games, and have got me thinking that maybe the NFL should adopt a system similar to the NBA draft lottery so that we can avoid teams tanking games towards the end of the season. Not only is it not fair to the teams who are trying to win every week, it’s extremely unfair to the season ticketholders. I have absolutely nothing to say about the Jacksonville Jaguars.

Jaguars 20, Colts 12

Denver (3-5) at Kansas City (4-4)

After seeing Kansas City failing to score a touchdown against a team that had been previously winless, it’s hard for me to think they’ll be able to compete with the Jerusalem Broncos. Speaking of which, you know what? I recant my statement from Tuesday. The Denver Broncos aren’t out of it at all in the AFC West race. Case in point: Remember a couple of years back when the Chargers were 4-8 heading into week fourteen and they swept their remaining schedule, winding up in the playoffs after all. The Broncos can do it. Don’t get me wrong, if they do they’re going to end up getting murdered but it is a possibility. 3-5 is not that far out.

Broncos 21, Chiefs 17

Washington (3-5) at Miami (1-7)

Once the team who came out of the starting gate looking great this season, the Washington Redskins stand dumbfounded and at the bottom of a tough NFC East wondering what the fuck happened. Although I realize that I’ve been harping on this for quite some time now, I don’t really believe that the Redskins ever had a true number on quarterback. I’ve been saying for a month now that neither Grossman or Beck are good enough to be better than a third stringer in the NFL. Miami did surprise me by putting up 31 points last week, but I’m not ready to give Matt Moore anymore credit than he might deserve.

Dolphins 27, Redskins 18

Arizona (2-6) at Philadelphia (3-5)

The Eagles are in real trouble. The home loss to the Bears did a lot of psychological damage as well as damage in the standings: Philly is now a game behind the Cowboys and three games behind the New York Giants. This put them in a very dark place to start the second half of their season. But this should be a game where they can make up some ground. Arizona put us through an agonizing 19-13 win over the Rams last week, stretching the game out to five excruciating quarters. Or at least they would have, had anybody been watching. No way Philadelphia blows this one.

Eagles 28, Cardinals 10

Houston (6-3) at Tampa Bay (4-4)

The Texans are a team that I like but it’s hard for me to pick them in games like this one. They have a great defense but if Freeman can get lit early it could spell trouble for Houston. This game might depend on how the Bucs can stop the Texans’ run game, which between Arian Foster and Ben Tate has been nothing short of fucking brutal this year. When Foster got hurt, I can remember saying “Wow, that Tate kid has really stepped up in his place”. Then Foster came back and they are slowly turning into a two headed monster. Don’t get me twisted, I love the Houston Texans. But whenever I pick the Bucs to lose games like this they end up winning so I have to take Tampa here. Accuracy > Hope.

Buccaneers 25, Texans 20

Tennessee (4-4) at Carolina (2-6)

My hope here would be that this is the game we’ve all been waiting for where Cam Newton burts through the wall like the Kool Aid Man after snorting a quarter ounce of speed and racks up the same type of numbers he did while he was in college. But I’ve got that “bear-trap-in-a-tennis-court” type of lucky streak, so I don’t foresee it happening. Make no mistake, Carolina is the better team here and they have lost several close games, but they still have a long way to go before coming up short every Sunday isn’t an issue. Almost all of us would rather see Newton have a great day than Hasselbeck.

Titans 33, Panthers 18

Baltimore (6-2) at Seattle (2-6)

Anybody picking this game to be an upset is doing it strictly for attention. Joe Flacco is coming off a game winning drive against Pittsburgh last week where we found out a lot about his ability to lead a football team on the road under a ton of pressure. If hadn’t have gone that 92 yards, people would have started to raise some questions about the validity of Baltimore as a contender: The loss to Jacksonville, the week to week instability, and even though Pittsburgh is a great team a loss to the Steelers coupled with blowing a chance to sweep the season series would have certainly done it. But now, they’re the belle of the ball. Seattle has been a good home team in recent years, but I find it hard to believe that Pete Carroll’s rah-rah attitude will keep him around in a division where there’s no excuse for being under .500 every year.

Ravens 27, Seahawks 6

NY Giants (6-2) at San Francisco (7-1)

This one I’m looking forward to in a big way. Expect this one to be a low scoring affair as both teams gave good defensive performances last week. I like the 49ers to have the upper hand not only because the game is at home, but because they aren’t getting a lot of the credit they deserve. This will be the nationally televised 3:15 PM game and for many fans it will be the first time they’ve seen San Francisco all year. It’s the perfect opportunity for Alex Smith to make it known to the world that the 49ers aren’t a fluke and I fully expect him to do so. Even though they played a good defensive set last week (particularly in the first half) the Giants are still having some of their standard tackling issues late in the game so if you’re a fantasy guy start Gore and assume at least 120 on the ground.

49ers 20, Giants 16

New England (5-3) at NY Jets (5-3)

In a perfect world neither of these teams would ever win anything, but I have to give the Patriots the upper hand here. Rarely do they lose two in a row, and they almost never lose three in a row so you have to assume they win here. It’s going to be a struggle because of course because the Jets are psyched after that big win in Buffalo, and they believe so much of their own hype to begin with I don’t think anybody on that team is going to bed this week. Mark Sanchez will need to step up big here and I don’t think he has it in him. (And to anyone who may be asking themselves why that is…What has he done in the past that might make me think he could do it here) Which is pretty sad, because the Pats are still ranked last against the pass. If I was Rex Ryan I’d make Sanchez throw 45 to 50 balls in this one, but we all know he won’t do that.

Patriots 17, Jets 13

Minnesota (2-6) at Green Bay (8-0)

The Vikings probably aren’t happy with the NFL’s scheduling this year, as they have to play undefeated Green Bay twice in a sixteen day span. But this won’t be like the game these two teams just played in the Metrodome, this game will be at Lambeau and the Packers won’t be fucking around. A blowout is not out of the question, as the Packers are going to beat at least one team by 45 before the season is over. I am getting a bit tired of the undefeated talk though…Everybody knows that no coach in his right mind with that level of talent is going to start any of his A guys the second they clinch home field, so why are we to believe that this year would be any different? Mike McCarthy’s a smart guy and I’m sure the minute the Packers have it in the bag their second team will be in there.

Packers 36, Vikings 10

What to watch for this weekend:  Not trying to sound like a homer, but it would be awfully hard to argue that the Giants/49ers matchup wouldn’t give us the game of the week. Patriots/Jets is always pretty heated so look out for that. You might also notice that there’s a full slate of 16 games this week, but don’t get too excited: This is not the end of the bye weeks. For some reason, the dumbass who put together the schedules seemed to think it would be a fantastic idea to start the byes a week earlier this year, skip a week towards the middle of the season, only to come back with a week’s worth of byes the following Sunday. It makes perfect sense if you’ve just suffered a stroke.

Poll Question: Who is having a better year – Aaron Rodgers so far this season or Tom Brady in 2007?

Wea re EEP.

Meehan

NFL WEEK NINE WRAPUP

by Ryan Meehan

In week nine I thought there were some questionable pass interference calls.  The word “uncatchable” is very hard to define because it’s hard to assume that there is absolutely zero chance someone can come down with the football.  This “defenseless receiver” delegation is also puzzling to me:  All of them are wearing helmets, it’s literally impossible for them to be defenseless by definition.  I can remember when the Dallas Cowboys had Michael Irvin, that’s why they were such a big threat:  Because they had a guy who was willing to go across the middle.  Nowadays, it seems like the guy going across the middle is protected more than the wideouts who hide over by the sidelines.  I guess I’m just confused as to how certain judgment calls are made.  Let’s go over what went down in week nine. 

Giants 24, Patriots 20

I have to admit that the Giants stole this one.  Yes, Eli Manning put together a very special game that many Giants fans will remember for years to come.  But there were a couple of pass interference calls where the Patriots got hosed in the fourth quarter.  Let it also be known that the unsportsmanlike conduct penalty against Mario Manningham which allowed for the Patriots to get great field position on their last drive.  All he did was spin the ball out of his hands, I’ve seen guys do way worse than that this year and not get flagged.  Tom Brady looked very rattled in the first half of this game.  He was letting his emotions get the best of him on the sidelines after drives, something he rarely does.  Although Eli’s stats were not impressive, his clutchness was undeniable.  A classic for sure.  And I’ll say it once again…I don’t understand how Wes Welker has never been the NFL MVP. 
 
49ers 19, Redskins 11

The 49ers are for real.  They’re 7-1 and they are already five games up in their division.  I heard Tony Dungy say on the Dan Patrick show Monday that he thought the 49ers weren’t in the NFL’s elite class.  He may be right, but we’ll find out next week when they play the Giants.  Gore had 107 on 19 carries, and Alex Smith put up about average numbers yet again.  Regardless of whether the San Francisco is for real or not, we’re going to have to start discussing their defensive prowess somewhere along the line.  Patrick Willis forced a huge turnover in this one, and the 49ers pitched a lot of low scoring games during this run.  You may notice I didn’t mention the Redskins.  Fair is fair:  Washington looked great out of the box this year, and has since lost 5 straight.  See?  I did it!  I’m so proud of myself.

Cowboys 23, Seahawks 13

You can expect to hear analysts blowing smoke up the Cowboys’ asses all week after they beat yet another mediocre team.  I don’t understand why everyone feels the need to constantly be stroking Tony Romo’s ego.  He still hasn’t really ever done jack shit, and today was another average 19 for 31 performance after which everybody was pointing out that the Cowboys were “back on track”.  It continues to blow my mind how many people think that for whatever reason Dallas deserves to go to the playoffs every year regardless of their record.  For the sake of my buddy Donovan I tried desperately to come up with something fascinating to say about the Cowboys…And I got nothing.  The only thing I will say about Seattle is I feel bad for Marshawn Lynch…he’s having a great year but the Seahawks are awful. 

Broncos 38, Raiders 24

I will say this about Tim Tebow:  Every game, he makes about three or four throws that are perfect.  The plays go exactly as designed and he looks brilliant.  In this game, Tebow became the first player with 100+ rush yards, 2 touchdown passes, and zero interceptions since Michael Vick in November of 2004, back before he went to prison.  Carson Palmer threw three interceptions here, and it appears that a majority of the AFC West teams are fluttering.  (That’s putting it nicely)  If Denver hadn’t gotten off to such a shitty start, they might actually have a chance in this division.  But then again if I was a world famous actor, I wouldn’t be a sports blogger and writing this shit while I’m at work.  We all make mistakes. 

Bengals 24, Titans 17

I’m so glad that the Titans won AND the Texans lost.  Every Sunday that happens, we get a little closer to actually having a respectable team out of that division make the playoffs.  The Bengals are 6-2, but consider this:  All six of their wins have come against teams that collectively have 15 wins.  That’s an average of 2.5 wins per team.  So I’m not going to be shocked if they end up getting pounded by the Steelers and the Ravens, whom they play two times each in the next two months.  I can even see them finishing at exactly .500.  As for the Titans, they currently ARE .500 but there are still a lot of believers out there.  This guy is not one of them.  I’m not going to use this space to make fun of Matt Hasselbeck because Matt Hasselbeck makes fun of himself. 

Saints 27, Buccaneers 16

Josh Freeman played well at moments during this game but Tampa struggled big time in the red zone.  He only had one more incompletion than Brees and didn’t throw a pick, but every time they were deep in Saints territory they looked like they were playing uphill.  I like that the kid’s got guts, I like that he blocks, I like the overall fire that he possesses.  But he’s still making a lot of mistakes that young players are prone to making.  There was a scary moment in this one where Tracy Porter left on a stretcher with a neck injury, I sincerely hope he’s okay as that’s some serious shit.  The Saints had to have this one with as bunched up as the NFCS is this year and they got it.  This was another disappointing outing for Drew Brees as once again he failed to throw for a thousand yards. 

Falcons 31, Colts 7

When I was compiling scores for this I had almost completely forgotten this game had even happened.  Rookie Julio Jones finally put up some decent numbers:  131 yards and 2 TDs on three catches .  It’s hard for me to judge the Falcons at this moment because so many different teams have beat up on Indianapolis.  The Colts may run the table in the reverse direction, and it wouldn’t shock me if they did.  I was a bit surprised Atlanta didn’t use Michael Turner more as he had less than 100 yards…maybe they figured early that they were going to have this one in the bag so they decided this wasn’t going to an event where he got more than twenty carries. 

Jets 27, Bills 11

Just when I thought the Jets would finally shut up, this happens.  Fucking Great.  They made a very impressive fourth down stop early and the Bills never really recovered.  It would unfair of me to discuss this AFC East showdown without mentioning that Plaxico Burress is playing quite well for a dude that is only a few years removed from shooting himself.  And you know he was raped in prison because when he got out, his agent Drew Rosenhaus jumped all over him and started humping his leg like a dog and Plax didn’t even care.  Ryan Fitzpatrick is a pretty tough cookie, but he looked very intimidated on Sunday.  And if the Bills can’t block things like that out, they won’t be very successful in the playoffs.  That’s of course assuming they can even get there in the first place.  Looks pretty shaky at the moment. 

Texans 30, Browns 12

Here’s the stat of the day:  Matt Schaub had only 119 yards and Houston still put up 30 points.  That’s very impressive, and it also shows once again just how important Arian Foster is to their offensive gameplan.  And Foster’s replacement when he was out with an injury, Ben Tate, racked up an additional 115 on only 15 carries.  It looks as if now that barring some kind of disaster, the Texans will see the postseason for the first time in franchise history.  It’s hard to tell their defense played well even though they only allowed 12 points, because Colt McCoy blows and his offensive coordinator didn’t trust him to put the ball in the air this week.  Humorous, because just a month ago he threw 60 passes in one game.  I don’t get the Browns, but in my defense I don’t really think the Browns get the Browns either. 

Cardinals 19, Rams 13

This game went into overtime?  Holy shit that’s funny.  To all my atheist friends, this is very serious reminder that there is a God, and every once in a while he’ll play a prank like this on humanity and it’s fucking hilarious.  “If you guys were stupid enough to pay for tickets I’m going to make you all stay longer…”  That’s a gem.  Patrick Peterson ended the suffering of thousands by returning a punt 99 yards for a touchdown to give the Cardinals the win.  That Skelton kid was okay but I don’t see Kevin Kolb losing his job anytime soon with all of that money they’ve got invested in him.  

Dolphins 31, Chiefs 3 

I have to admit I did not see this one coming.  Maybe I didn’t think about it very hard, but even if I would have I would never have expected this to be the week the Dolphins would come out and look better than a D2 NCAA squad.  This was a very disappointing showing for the Chiefs, they were on fire heading into this, heavily favored, and a lock in most gambling circles.  Cassell had 253 yards, but only went 20 for 39 against a Dolphins defense that up until today had been porous.  It’s a brainteaser for sure, but don’t expend too much energy worrying about it as it shouldn’t affect the playoff picture unless everyone in the AFC West is 7-8 or 8-7 the last week of the season.  Actually now that I think about that for a second, this one may really hurt in Kansas City come Week 17.  And I’m not going to sit here and drool over Matt Moore’s numbers because it’s only one week and I really, really don’t care about Miami. 

Packers 45, Chargers 38

Green Bay’s defensive problems are going to catch up with them at some point, it just wasn’t this week.  They had a couple defensive scores, but it just seems like teams are getting closer and closer to beating the Packers with each passing week.  That being said, Aaron Rodgers has been incredible this year.  People are saying he’s playing “inspired” football, but I would almost call it “possessed”.  He has this very evil quality about him that I like and a killer instinct that no other player in the game can match right now.  It’s almost sadistic, like the kid in grade school who would steal your basketball, only to apologize and agree to give it back but then run away with it again the second you approached him and reached for it.  Rodgers lets the opposition believe that they still have a chance to win, but then he goes down the field and scores 7 more points, all the while chewing six or seven minutes of clock in the process. 
 
Ravens 23, Steelers 20

I’ve never seen a stadium get so quiet so fast as Heinz Field did after that beauty of a 92 yard drive that Joe Flacco put together to win the game.  What a badass performance and career defining moment for him.  So the Ravens sweep the Steelers this year, giving them the head to head tiebreaker which is huge.  John Harbaugh sounded pumped after this game, so who knows maybe the Ravens are a dark horse after all.  For a game that was supposed to be such a gridiron battle, it was interesting to see that the leading rusher for either squad was Rashard Mendenhall with 53 yards.

Bears 30, Eagles 24

Wow this was a ballbuster.  The Bears looked really, really good at the start but then they lost momentum and I thought that for sure the Eagles had this one wrapped up.  Matt Forte had two fumbles and things were starting to look really scary.  But the Bears didn’t freak out and maintained their composure, and ended up winning.  The Eagles are now 3-5, and looking up at a .500 Cowboys team who faces the Bills next week.  Urlacher looked good in the second half, and Isreal Idonije made a dominant tackle on one of Philly’s last drives that let them know the Bears weren’t kidding. 

Injury Update:  Dallas Cowboys wide receiver Miles Austin is going to miss 2-4 weeks so I’ll be continuing to monitor that situation, and it’s being reported that Colts tight end Dallas Clark is going to miss a significant amount of time which would be very important news in every year other than this one. 
 
We are EEP.

 Meehan

NFL WEEK NINE PREVIEW

by Ryan Meehan
 
Detroit Lions defensive end Ndomakung Suh met with NFL officials Tuesday.  Supposedly, the emphasis of the meeting was to review game film of specific plays with the Commissioner in order to gain a better understanding on the League’s perspective and rules when it comes to defensive play.  Suh claimed that he walked away from the meeting with a better understanding of the “ins and outs” of officiating.  This could be 100% correct and still be complete bullshit.  If he did walk out of the meeting with a better understanding that’s great, but really if he didn’t, what was he going to say?  That they didn’t explain it to him well enough and then wait for yet another fine from the commissioner’s office?  I discussed this with my brother in law last night and we are both subscribing to the thought that this was essentially a well crafted PR made by a guy who was quickly developing a nasty reputation as a dirty player.  Let’s examine what will be happening ON the field this weekend. NY Jets (4-3) at Buffalo (5-2)

 

So far haven’t heard any of the ridiculous smack talk that we’re becoming so accustomed to hearing out of the Jets’ camp.  I’d be guessing that would be the case because 1) Rex Ryan might have realized that providing so much bulletin board material for the other team isn’t a good idea, and 2) Coming off of a shutout against the Redskins, it’s very possible the Bills might end up slapping the fuck out of the Jets Sunday.  Which is fine with me…I still haven’t seen that epic performance from Mark Sanchez that we’ve been waiting for and on the annoying scale the Jets are somewhere bewteen sitting next to someone with halitosis who breathes heavily and being tazered to death while any Mariah Carey song plays in the background.  Maybe they love to be hated, but why?  That’s clearly not what the league wants as their main goal is to sell as many jerseys and beanies as humanly possible.  Jets lose another one. 

 

Bills 26, Jets 14

Seattle (2-5) at Dallas (3-4)
 

You have to figure that Dallas won’t come out as weak as they did in the Philly game.  Tony Romo may be able to talk smooth to the media, but when an opposing defense has him figured out, he struggles to come up with a plan B.  However, the Seahawks are terrible and play very poorly on the road.  Plus, Jerry Jones is pissed right now.  Fun fact:  DeMarcus Ware is on pace to break Michael Strahan’s single season sack record, which is fine with me.  Every team in the NFC West that isn’t the 49ers has a point differential of minus 40 or worse.  So when it seems like we mention that division blows ass every week, it’s well justified.  Kind of want to pick a shutout here but it should be insulting enough to assume that the Seahawks won’t even see the endzone. 

 

Cowboys 28, Seahawks 6
 
Atlanta (4-3) at Indianapolis (0-8)

Attention to anyone involved with fantasy football hooliganism should start Matt Ryan if they have the opportunity.  He should have a field day against the Colts, who haven’t won a game all year.  All you really need to know here is that the Colts are 31st against the run and the Falcons have Michael Turner.  I’ve developed this bizarre theory that if you play home games in a dome, playing in another team’s dome isn’t really a road game unless you’re playing the Saints.  All of the conditions are the same and you never have to worry about the elements.  Besides, the RCA dome isn’t exactly as rockin’ as it used to be to say the very least.  I would guess if you wanted Colts tickets right now it would be very easy to make that happen. 

 

Falcons 33, Colts 16 

Miami (0-7) at Kansas City (4-3) 
 

Just a month ago I was convinced that KC was one of the worst teams in the league.  And it wasn’t just their record, they were playing horrid.  Now they have the chance to win five in a row for the first time in eight years.  Additionally, they own the tiebreaker over the Chargers as of right now.  As for the Dolphins, any team that is better on the road than they are at home is beyond suspect unless there’s some unusual circumstance present.  Miami has virtually no running game:  Their lead rusher is Reggie Bush with 335 yards and NO touchdowns.  Ouch.  Speaking of touchdowns, Chad Henne’s only thrown four all season long.  Unbelievable.  Almost as unbelievable as me picking the Dolphins to score 10 points.  

 

Chiefs 41, Dolphins 10
 
San Francisco (6-1) at Washington (3-4)
 

 

 

Washington’s stock is plummeting and the 49ers are just one loss from being in the discussion of number one in the power rankings.  Frank Gore has been pure gold all year and may very well win the rushing title.  The Redskins are in a really shitty place because they have two guys competing for their starting QB job that would be third stringers just about everywhere else around the league.  I still say it was a great move to ditch Grossman, I’m just not sure ditching him for Beck was a fantastic tactical decision.  Alex Smith is having a good year, not putting up unbelievable numbers, but he’s a in a similar situationsuch as Flacco or Sanchez where the offense is based around the running game so he doesn’t have to be Joe Montana.  Regardless, you’re going to see a big day out of him and the 49ers winning percentage will improve to .875. 

49ers 27, Redskins 12
 
Cleveland (3-4) at Houston (5-3)
 

So I have to figure the Texans win this one, which means they will be 6-3, which also means it would be very hard for them to blow this division at the hands of the Titans.  Head coach Gary Kubiak said Friday that Andre Johnson will not play in this game, and that same day Browns running back Peyton Hillis got hurt again in practice, once again activating the Madden curse.  And when it comes to throwing for any distance Colt McCoy is pretty much worthless.  This game can be found on Sirius XM Satellite Radio on Channel 137. That’s all I got for this one.  

 

Texans 24, Browns 9
 
Tampa Bay (4-3) at New Orleans (5-3)

Who’s the more talented team?  The Saints.  Who’s got the bigger playmakers?  The Saints.  Will either of those things matter this week?  I doubt it.  To be honest, I’m calling this a lock if LeGarette Blount gets back.  The NFC South is the new NFC East.  It’s a fucking complete mess.  The top three teams could easily make it to the playoffs and the worst team in the division isn’t even bad, they’ve just lost a ton of close games.   So it’s hard for me to pick any game Falcons/Saints/Bucs.  Although I have to admit, I like Tampa to sweep the Saints this year.  Keep in mind Drew Brees could go apeshit any second and make me sound like the clueless douchebag that I really am as opposed to the semi-educated sprotswriter I’d like to believe I am. 

 

Buccaneers 28, Saints 27  (you may notice that’s sort of a bullshit score that I pick a lot when I feel two teams are very evenly matched.  That’s definitely the case) 

Denver (2-5) at Oakland (4-3)
 

There’s this new craze that the Lions started last week called “Tebowing” where a player from the opposing squad makes a prayer-like motion in the sacked or tackled player’s direction.  Truth be told, I don’t have a problem with this mockery of the man’s faith.  What I will start to get upset about is if these same guys are interviewed right after the game and say “I just want to give all of the glory to Jesus”.  Really asshole?  An hour ago you were making fun of someone praising him and now he’s your best bud?  Fuck you.  I believe the Raiders are on the way down, and fast.  Also Darren McFadden probably won’t play here. 

 

Broncos 20, Raiders 18
 
Cincinnati (5-2) at Tennessee (4-3)
 

Man, I hope so…As stated earlier this week, Andy Dalton is flying way under the radar due to all of the coverage other rookie quarterbacks such as Cam Newton and Christian Ponder are getting.  But the real story here has been the Bengals stifling run defense.  Also, the Bengals will get Cedric Benson back after serving his one game suspension.  An interesting matchup is going to be Cortland Finegan covering AJ Green.  Almost interesting enough to force me to watch a Titans game.  But in all seriousness, this game is going to be a hgue bullshit check for whoever loses it:  Both teams are performing much better than expected and are still looking up at a team (or in Cincinnati’s case two teams) within their respective divisions that is a lot better than they are.  Something’s Got to Give. 

 

Bengals 25, Titans 21
 
NY Giants (5-2) at New England (5-2)
 

This should be a lot of fun.  The Patriots average 29 points a game but are ranked 32nd in the league defensively.  (See, I told you Roethlisberger wasn’t that good)  Manning is third in the league in passer rating behind only Aaron Rodgers and Tom Brady, who he’ll be up against this week.  Giants running back Ahmad Bradshaw will start this week despite a cracked bone in his foot.  Now that Hakeem Nicks is doubtful for this week, Mario Manningham is going to have to have a huge Sunday afternoon in order for the Giants to win.  If he gets injured, then I don’t what New York is going to do.  I expect Tom Brady to have a huge day coming off that loss in Pittsburgh.  Plus, the Patriots rarely lose two in a row.

 

Patriots 24, Giants 23St. Louis (1-6) at Arizona (1-6)
 

I’m pretty hyped I don’t have to sit through this one.  This is usually the part where I compare one team’s strengths to another team’s weaknesses.  All you should really know is the Rams were able to shove the Saints around last week, and the Cardinals have lost a lot of close games.  This won’t be one of them. 

 

Rams 34, Cardinals 10Green Bay (7-0) at San Diego (4-3)
 

The Chargers are falling out of the “watch out for these guys” conversation more and more with each passing week.  I haven’t seen one single power ranking where the Packers aren’t ranked number one.  Their defense still struggles at times, but winning football games is a team effort and as long as they can come away with more points at the end of the game, having the 31st ranked passing defense in the NFL shouldn’t matter.  If this was any other 4-3 team I might be more inclined to pick the upset here.  The Packers look like a million bucks on the cover of SI. 

 

Packers 30, Chargers 11Baltimore (5-2) at Pittsburgh (6-2)
 

The Steelers should have the edge here coming off of a huge win against the Patriots, but this matchup is always an awfully heated battle.  Big Ben’s stats from last week appear a bit inflated, as the Patriots’ defense is still struggling to come up with an identity nine weeks into the season.  But remember, this is the team that represented a very strong AFC in the Super Bowl last year and came very close to winning it all.  And their defense has stepped up their level of play, particularly Lamar Woodley who will sit this game while continuing to monitor that hamstring issue.  The Ravens forced seven turnovers in the first meeting and although that defense reamins strong, I cetainly wouldn’t count on getting that many takeaways this time around.  But for some reason I just don’t see this game being as awesome as a lot of people are expecting.  I can forsee many fans wanting this one to be a barnburner and leaving fairly disappointed. 

 

Steelers 24, Ravens 13
 
Chicago (4-3) at Philadelphia (3-4)
 
You could make the argument that if the Eagles lose this game they won’t make the playoffs.  I don’t believe they will lose, but I would understand how motivation would start to disappear when you hit five losses.  Especially for a team that expected to finish 12-4 or much better.  I’ve heard some people around here bitching about the fact that the Eagles are seven and a half point favorites, but you have to look at momentum instead of records, and nobody in the NFL has more momentum like Philly. 

 

Eagles 22, Bears 19

 

Bye Weeks:  Detroit Lions, Carolina Panthers, Jacksonville Jaguars, Minnesota Vikings

 

The Lions should be fine, I don’t think Cliff Avril needs any more practice being a dick.  The Panthers will be teaching Cam Newton how to draw a W since he’s got just about everything else figured out.  And I don’t give a shit what the Jaguars or Vikings are doing in weeks where they’re playing, so obviously I’m not too concerned with what they’ll be working on in the bye. 

We are EEP.

 
Meehan

NFL WEEK EIGHT WRAPUP: THE TORTOISE AND THE HARE

by Ryan Meehan
 
We all remember the story of the tortoise and the hare.  Week Eight in the NFL proved that a lot of teams thought they would cruise to easy victories, and a majority of them were able to sneak out of it with a win.  So in most cases the hare won the race, but he still ended up looking like a complete buffoon in the process.  Let’s investigate:

Giants 20, Dolphins 17

Remember when I mentioned a few days ago that Trey Wingo said on NFL Live that the Giants scale back their intensity when they are playing teams they believe they are much better than?  Big Blue got housed for the majority of this game by a team that was winless and it was ugly.  Domenik Hixon got injured which isn’t good.  The Dolphins can go ahead and fire Tony Sporano any time now.  Nobody would notice or care.  They are most likely to draft a quarterback so they’re going to want to start over anyway.  You at least teach the guy how to clean the filter of the Dolphin cage as opposed to waiting until the year’s over to have the both of you come out and lay an egg on Monday Night against the Patriots opening week. 

Texans 24, Jaguars 14

Another 110+ yard performance for Arian Foster.  Awesome statistic for a guy with such an unfortunately pronounced first name.  See everybody, the Jaguars weren’t going to go on a tear after beating the Ravens last week.  Schaub?  I’d give it about a B-, he missed some big opportunities to blow this game wide open but he doesn’t need to be a lot.

Titans 27, Colts 10

Tennessee intercepted Curtis Painter twice and turned both opportunities into touchdowns as the Colts fell to 0-8.  If I were the Texans I guess I’d be afraid of the Titans but I’d probably be more afraid of myself.  I haven’t really viewed Tennessee as a dominant AFC team this year no matter what was happening.  I see that Hasselbeck put up 224 yards, which I know already without looking because he is kind of non threatening in that sort of “old-balding probably-shouldn’t be in the NFL-except-for-the-fact-that my brother is an analyst on television” sort of way. 

Ravens 30, Cardinals 27

So Baltimore gets down early, at one point they’re down 24-6 and it’s a total joke.  Kevin Kolb looks very sharp (haven’t heard that sentence fragment much this year) and it appears the Ravens are going to drop another game against a bad team.  But then Flacco gets hot and all hell breaks loose.  And then the Cardinals cave on defense, because they’re the Cardinals and that’s what they stand for.  Anquan Boldin gets his revenge, but everybody’s still suspect of Baltimore this week. 

Rams 31, Saints 21

I don’t even know what to say.  Before this one even started, I was actually hoping that the Saints would break the record for number of points in a two game set, but they didn’t look nearly as lit as they were last Monday.  I bet the Rams are wishing two things after this one:  That the 49ers didn’t get off to such a great start, and that they would have started A.J. Feeley from the beginning of the year.  By winning this game, they may have taken themselves out of the “Suck for Luck” race, but if they are confident that Sam Bradford is their guy then this is a huge win for them even though he didn’t play at all.  Saints had me believing last week but this hurts.  Most of the highlights from this game did revolve around 3 sacks by Long, and deservedly so.  Comparatively speaking, I guess you could say this was very similar to the loss to the Seahawks in the Wild Card round in that we figured there was no way the Saints were going to lose.  So much for that. 

Vikings 24, Panthers 21

Cam Newton is busting his ass, but the Panthers make the type of mistakes that cause you to come up short by 3 or 7 points quite frequently.  I feel bad for Olindo Mare.  It’s hard to tell what went wrong, I didn’t think the snap was that poor.  Adrian Peterson still looks good but other than that there’s not a lot to see here.  Although I do wish I was a huge Panthers fan so that I could paint the inside of my apartment that shade of turquoise and still avoid being committed to a mental hospital.  But I digress…

Lions 45, Broncos 10

Tim Tebow had a QBR of 3.4 Sunday.  There will be tons of fans jumping off the Tim Tebow bandwagon this week and rightfully so.  The Lions play really, really “dirty football” which some of you may know by its other name:  “Football”.  After the game an unnamed Lions player said that the Lions were talking to each other mocking the fact that Tebow is even strting in the NFL and of course they were jawing at him severly after sacks.  I’m not bothered by the way the Lions behave because Suh and Cliff Avril are bringing it every play and if they can back it up, good for them.  And on the offensive side of the ball for Stafford to look that good coming off an injury was very impressive.  The Lions just have to distance themselves from being viewed as a wild card tem.  They need to go out there and say “We CAN be 13-3” because if for some reason they can in the NFC North that would be incredibly tough. 

Steelers 25, Patriots 17

God dammit.  What’s odd about this (as bossman said) is the fact that New England had completely “pwned” the Steelers and Pittsburgh was beat up to all hell.  Roethliseberger: 36 of 50 and the Steelers are now 6-2 and headed in the right direction.  I’m not sure they always deserve it, but they deserve it more than a lot of other squads.  Pittsburgh was 10 of 16 on 3rd downs, and that’s where you make your money.  (New England was 3 for 10)  The Patriots have problems on defense that almost seem unidentifiable.  They have the athletic ability, but it just seems like at moments they lack the know-how to stop a drive in its tracks. 

Bills 23, Redskins 0

If the Redskins didn’t look fake earlier on in the year, they sure as hell do right now.  They went all the way to another country and didn’t bring back any points?  The nephews and nieces are gonna be pissed.  If we can all admit that we enjoy certain instances in sports where teams get exposed like that, I happen to enjoy this moment in NFL history a lot.  And here’s a take on Washington that you won’t agree with right away:  I still think it was a great idea to bench Grossman.  A great idea actually.  Listen, if he got benched with them on top of the division a third of the way through the season, what makes you think throwing him back in there is going to do any good?  I get it that Beck was terrible in this game but what are you going to do?  You made your bed, now you lie in it. 

49ers 20, Browns 10

For as much as I whiff with these picks, every once in a while I hit the nail right on the head by picking this one down to the point.  It’s a shame it’s suck a quarterback’s league when it comes to the individual awards, because I love the idea of Frank Gore as an MVP candidate.  He’s a smooth operator.  We’re getting into portion of the season where records are really starting to matter, and San Francisco is 6-1.  In an era where there ARE so many good quarterbacks it’s going to be hard for a team like the 49ers to go the distance with that style of football.  They don’t exactly use the west coast offense anymore:  They’re a ground and pound football team with a slightly above average QB (both in skill and in talent) that is hitting a hot streak at the right time.  Cleveland’s special teams played well and that was pretty much it. 

Eagles 34, Cowboys 7

Every week I watch at least one game with my father and this was it because there’s nothing we like more (other than seeing the Giants pull one out of their ass) than watching the Eagles and Cowboys beat the hell out of each other.  As it turns out, only one team would beat the hell out of the other team, and the Eagles were that team.  LeSean McCoy had 185 yards, ripped jersey and all.  Those were the Eagles that I thought were going to show up week one:  There they were.  It’s hard for me not to still bite on the Eagles because they can go out and do something like that when they are under the gun.  Regardless of the standings, they’re in great shape:  The Redskins are playing like shit, they obviously have the Cowboys’ number, and the Giants are by far the worst 5-2 team in recent NFL history. 

Chiefs 23, Chargers 20

San Diego blew this game.  They has the ball deep in Chiefs territory and then Rivers fumbled the snap.  Heartbreaking, but the Chargers didn’t exactly capitalize on the pace of this game:  They had 9 drives inside the Chiefs 35 and they scored 4 field goals and only one touchdown.  The Chargers have to realize that there are 60 minutes in a football game. 

Most Noticeable Thoughts from Week Eight:

Aside from the Saints collapsing the concept that grabbed me more than anything dates back to 2000 and Super Bowl 35 where the Baltimore Ravens abused the New York Giants all day long.  The Ravens and the Giants couldn’t be more alike right now.  They both  almost lost to awful teams today, they are both at the crests of their divisions and probably don’t deserve it, and they are most likely both frauds when it counts the most.  Other fact that kept coming up was that Pittsburgh held Tom Brady to 17 points without intercepting him once. 

We are EEP. 
 
Meehan

NFL WEEK EIGHT PREVIEW

by Ryan Meehan

Week eight should be a tad more exciting than some of the bullshit we saw last Sunday and Monday.  Monday Night Football was even worse than the previous week as the Jaguars beat the Ravens 12-7.  I couldn’t believe it…The Ravens beat the Texans, and then in the same year lose to the Titans and Jacksonville?  Confusing…  Tuesday Terrell Owens scheduled a tryout that was open to all 32 NFL teams and not one of them showed up.  Then, Thursday afternoon a report of yet another suicide attempt leaked to TMZ:  http://www.nypost.com/p/news/national/terrell_owens_assistant_described_W7nkKbx52PKbz8FJhFt4WJ  Ugh.  Let’s see what’s crackalackin’ in week eight…

Jacksonville (2-5) at Houston (4-3)

I can only assume the Texans are back in business after their 41-7 drubbing of the Titans last week.  They have a great chance to stay above .500 at home against the Jaguars, who had to have gotten lucky last week, but that’s an entirely different story.  Texans WR Andre Johnson is still out even though he showed progress recovering from the injury this past week.  Once again, everything is set up for the Texans to win this division so let’s hope they can actually get it done and not blow it. 

Texans 26, Jaguars 11

Indianapolis (0-7) at Tennessee (3-3)

Boy oh boy, what ISN’T wrong with the Colts?  I don’t even know where to start.  There is plenty wrong with the Titans too, they just didn’t expect anything this year so everything over .500 seems like gravy.  Truth be told, I don’t really give a shit about either one of these teams, but the Titans are better. 

Titans 31, Colts 15

Arizona (1-5) at Baltimore (4-2)

Well I thought the Ravens could take pretty much anybody, but now I don’t know what to think.  At least this one will be a home game for them, and right now Arizona doesn’t look very good on offense at all.  This is a tough one for Baltimore no matter what because even if they win, very few people are going to be able to look past the fact that their only losses are to the Jaguars and the Titans and they were both inexcusable.  The Ravens should thank their lucky stars that this game is at home, they’re a far cry from being a good road team. 

Ravens 27, Cardinals 20

Minnesota (1-6) at Carolina (2-5)

The Vikings looked pretty decent for one half against Green Bay but then they slowly let it slip away, which could be attributed to the fact that they were starting a rookie for his first time.  Carolina has themselves a rookie too, but it’s a guy who’s going to make quite an impression once he works through his growing pains.  Speaking of Growing Pains, the guy who played Boner on that show is dead.  So slappeth the judgmental hand of God.

Panthers 28, Vikings 27

Miami (0-6) at New York Giants (4-2)

Giants running back Brandon Jacobs will play in this game, but has hinted to the media that this will be his last season in a Giant uniform.  As stated in last week’s article, I honestly believe that the Dolphins are worse than the other winless teams.  The Giants are coming off a bye and will be beginning the more difficult portion of their interconference schedule with the AFC East as they play the Patriots and Jets shortly thereafter.  But rememeber, the Giants did lose at home to the Seahawks.  Trey Wingo said something I thought was really interesting on NFL Live Friday:  In recent history the Giants have scaled back their level of play when facing weaker opponents.  Food for thought, but the Dolphins REALLY suck. 

Giants 40, Dolphins 13

New Orleans (5-2) at St. Louis (0-6)

Comapred to last week, this should be a relatively low scoring affair for the Saints.  It’ll be about the same for the Rams, who are part of low scoring affairs on an almost weekly basis with the only exception being when they have a bye. 

Saints 39, Rams 3

Washington (3-3) at Buffalo (4-2)

If you thought the Redskins looked flat last week, just wait until you see them without Tim Hightower on the field.  He was a large percent of their offense and they are going to miss him dearly.  The Bills on the other hand signed qaurterback Ryan Fitzpatrick to a 6 year/59 million dollar deal, so they are going to be expecting a big game out of him.  There was a bullshit comment from George Wilson about how since they’re playing in Toronto that it’s an away game, but real professionals don’t whine about stuff like that.  Reagrdless, I believe they will beat the Redskins, who aren’t fooling anybody anymore. 

Bills 20, Redskins 13

Detroit (5-2) at Denver (2-4)

So the Lions do play road games.  Huh, go figure.  What to watch for:  Champ Bailey vs. Calvin Johnson.  Sure, Bailey’s older and Johnson’s going to have a couple of inches on him, but I’ve seen Bailey win those wars before.  It’s too bad for the Broncos that the beginning of their season went so poorly, but I hate Broncos fans so in this roundabout way they sort of deserve it.  As for the Lions, they seem to have gotten too cocky too fast, and it’s started to affect the way they are executing on the field.  Plus, I’m on the Tebow Train.  Lions lose 3 straight.

Broncos 23, Lions 21

New England (5-1) at Pittsburgh (5-2)
 
Can’t wait to see this one.  The Patriots are coming off of a bye week and will be rolling into the city of steel looking to prove AFC supremacy since Baltimore is no longer a valid part of that conversation.  ProFootballTalk.com is reporting that it is “highly unlikely” Hines Ward will play on Sunday.  There was this goofy story that came out this week after a picture surfaced of Patriots tight end Rob Gronkowski shirtless with some porn star named Bibi Jones wearing his jersey.  I honestly don’t know why this is even news.  He issued an apology, but why?  Now athletes aren’t supposed to be into hot women?  That’s insane.  What I hate the most about all of it is it’s overshadowing the fact that Gronkowski, Wes Welker, and Aaron Hernandez are becoming quite the trio of receivers.  Easily the game of the week and even though it’s in Pittsburgh I like the Patriots to pull this one out, but just barely. 

Patriots 26, Steelers 24

Cincinnati (4-2) at Seattle (2-4)

It’s hard for me to talk shit about Seattle because they did beat the Giants in week five, but honestly they are terrible.  The Bengals have surprised me, and Andy Dalton seems to be flying under the radar quite nicely, what with all of the publicity surrounding Cam Newton and Tim Tebow.  But he’s had a hell of a year so far…

Bengals 28, Seahawks 12

Cleveland (3-3) at San Francisco (5-1)

If you throw away all of the talk about how poor the NFC West is overall, the San Francisco 49ers have had a great year.  Whereas previously we would expect the division winner finish 8-8 or 9-7 (or in last year’s case 7-9) the Niners could easily finish 12-4 and they would be taken seriously.  The Browns should be an easy game for them, especially at home where the fans are really starting to get behind that team. 

49ers 20, Browns 10

Dallas (3-3) at Philadelphia (2-4)

As a Giants fan, I hate to pick these games but I love to watch the Eagles and the Cowboys beat up on each other.  Cowboys defensive coordinator Rob Ryan said before the year started that Philadelphia was an “all-hype” team.  Given the fact that the Eagles’ record is pretty much the opposite of what it should be, he may be right but I’ll never understand why opposing coaches do that.  It almost always ends up biting them in the ass.  (I guess in Ryan’s case maybe he’s got so much ass to bite he figures he might not even notice)  Tony Romo will play well here but in the end the Linc will be rowdy as hell and the Eagles will get the win. 

Eagles 30, Cowboys 27
 
San Diego (4-2) at Kansas City (3-3)

I’m only picking the Chiefs to win here because lately I’ve become furious with the lackadazical approach that the Chargers seem to have towards being a professional football team.  They just showboat their way into the playoffs with almost no effort every year and I”ve about fucking had it.  Kansas City showed some real promise last week shutting out Oakland, but the Raiders didn’t know their ass from a hole in the ground in that one.  If the Chargers do want to make a statement that they are for real, they need to go out there and score at least 35 points against a defense that’s just seven days removed from pitching a shutout.  I don’t see that much determination on that roster so it won’t happen. 

Chiefs 27, Chargers 19

Bye Weeks:  Altanta Falcons, Chicago Bears, Green Bay Packers, New York Jets, Oakland Raiders, Tampa Bay Buccaneers

Falcons head coach Mike Smith said that he’s going to give his team the entire week off a day after a postgame conference in which he mentioned that his team needs to “get on a winning streak”.  I’m not exactly sure how those two things add up, but I hope for his sake he knows what the hell he’s doing.  The Bears don’t need to make a whole lot of adjustments, but also don’t need to let their ego lead them to believe that they still don’t have work to do.  The Packers looked shaky at times in the first half against the Vikings, but don’t kid yourselves the Packers don’t have shit to worry about at the moment.  It would take at least two straight losses to get me to believe that they would be in trouble, and even then it wouldn’t be serious.  The Jets are going to continue to come up with new ways to make sure that we talk about their coaching staff even though they aren’t even playing.  Oakland has a lot of explaining to do and it may be a hole to deep to climb out of.  Tampa?  We’ll see…

A couple facts about my balls

It is commonplace in most cases for one testicle to hang lower than the other.  This is not the case with mine, as they both hang the same distance from the shaft in perfect symmetry. 

My balls also have their own central nervous system that includes a brain and allows for them to experience and display human emotions that no other individual’s balls can. 

What to watch for this weekend

Obviously, you’re going to want to watch for a fight in the Cowboys-Eagles game.  It will also be interesting to see how many points the Saints score to follow up that 62-7 beatdown they put on the Colts last Sunday night.  Also be watching for any new facts about my balls that may be brought up during the broadcasts.

But seriously, if you can only watch one game on Sunday check out Steelers-Patriots.  Those games are always top shelf and this one should be no exception, even smack dab in the middle of the season.  This has become a great conference rivalry in recent years and I love the way these teams match up this year. 

Enjoy the games!

Meehan

NFL WEEK SEVEN PREVIEW

by Ryan Meehan

Week Seven isn’t exactly caviar when it comes to a slate of games, but there are a couple of decent ones.  Of course the major news this week is the Raiders trading away to first rounders to get Carson Palmer from the Bengals.  It seems strange that they’d be willing to sacrifice two first round draft picks for a guy who’s definitely on his way down for a QB.  Speaking of trades, here’s a thought:  Since The Denver Broncos shipped Brandon Lloyd to the Rams who then cut Mike Sims-Walker, wouldn’t it make sense for the Patriots to cut Chad Ochocinco and sign Walker?  Although he might not be a better receiver than Chad, he’s at least willing to learn the playbook.  Let’s see what might happen in Week 7.

Denver (1-4) at Miami (0-5)

Like I said, it ain’t exactly good eatin’.  The Dolphins played a snorefest of a Monday night game last week, after which I had reported that the Jets had gotten their passing game back.  Truth is, I didn’t see much of it and as it turns out I was totally wrong.  Tim Tebow is going to owe the Dolphins his life savings after this one, because they’re going to make him look like Johnny Unitas in this one.  (Editor’s Note:  Cardinal Tebow will likely donate his life savings to the huddled, yearning masses so Miami will never get their money)  Who starts for the Dolphins again? 

Broncos 31, Dolphins 9

San Diego (4-1) at New York Jets (3-3)

This is the story of two underachieving football teams:  The Chargers seem to be content floating from one season to another without really doing anything in January.  The Jets have played well in the playoffs the past two seasons up until the conference championship round, but are way behind schedule for the Super Bowl win that their coach has promised.  Sure, Rex Ryan is a jackass and he’s going to say whatever he has to say to get the microphone in his face, but Mark Sanchez STILL hasn’t had that big game I’ve been saying for over a year that he so desperately needs. 

Jets 24, Chargers 22

Seattle (2-3) at Cleveland (2-3) 

Yawn.  The Browns have posted a couple of decent showings this year but I have a feeling that Sportscenter won’t be leading with this game on Sunday night.  

Browns 16, Seahawks 10

Houston (3-3) at Tennessee (3-2)

I’m a little curious as to how Tennessee will play coming out of the bye week.  If Houston loses this one, it’s over.  You could make the argument that whoever wins this game pretty much has the division on lockdown.  Like I said last week about the Eagles, this is the last week I’m buying it.

Texans 23, Titans 20
 
Atlanta (3-3) at Detroit (5-1)

Detroit will try to bounce back from their first loss of the season against the Falcons.  How many home games do the Lions have this year?  Anyway, I expect Detroit to still be able to stuff up the middle but get lit up at the corners.  But their offense is big time ready, and they should be doing just fine facing Atlanta. 

Lions 38, Falcons 27
 
Chicago (3-3) at Tampa Bay (4-2)

As much as I don’t buy the Bucs, they are probably a better team than the Bears save head to head.  The Bears matchup quite well in this game and I expect that D line to give Freeman hell, which he deserves because he’s Josh Freeman.  These are pretty evenly matched teams, but I have to give the Bears the upper hand because even though that kid who’s replacing LeGarrette Blount is doing great, they still don’t have LeGarrette Blount.  And A LOT of their offensive scheme was based on him, so I have to take the Bears here. 

Bears 21, Bucs 17
 
Washington (4-2) at Carolina (1-5)

Upset special.  I think the Redskins are still in this sort of bizarre state of confusion after last week.  They should have been beat a lot worse, but luckily for them the Eagles weren’t able to capitalize on a majority of those turnovers so it kind of masked how shitty of game Washington really played.  Carolina needs a huge win over a team that has a winning record to gain some serious respect, and I believe they get it here. 

Panthers 26, Redskins 21 

Pittsburgh (4-2) at Arizona (1-4)
 
In a rematch of one of my favorite Super Bowls in recent memory, this game will look nowhere near as exciting.  Pittsburgh is a beaten wound, but they weren’t in prime shape last year and they almost took it all the way so who knows? 

Steelers 20, Cardinals 6

Kansas City (2-3) at Oakland (4-2) 

The Chiefs were on a two-game winning streak, and I only say that because 1) it’s pro football and there are only 16 games and 2) it’s the goddamned Chiefs.  This is a great game for Carson Palmer to get used to whooping up on the usual spineless zeroes that comprise Oakland’s schedule every year. 

Raiders 32, Chiefs 15

St. Louis (0-6) at Dallas (2-3)

Everybody can beat the Rams right now.  Dallas gets a timely gift here.  Romo should have a huge day.  He may not have free reign at the end of a close game but in ones like this they’ll let him do whatever the hell he wants.  As long as he isn’t throwing picks he’ll still appear to be on the right track. 

Cowboys 24, Rams 11

Green Bay (6-0) at Minnesota (1-5)

Don’t expect any defense here.  Expect Aaron Rodgers to go nuts though because the Vikings rank 31st in total passing.  The Packers are having a rough month on defense as well although last week showed improvement.  Minnesota finally decided to bench Donovan McNabb, so we’ll see what Christian Ponder has to offer here.  (And while I’m at it, enough with the sportscasters using the term “ponder” as a play on words, it’s just a lame joke…stop) 

Packers 40, Vikings 20

Indianapolis (0-6) at New Orleans (4-2)

In another recent Super Bowl rematch, Sunday night brings us a team that can’t compete on defense (That seems to be a trend lately), and a team that right now probably couldn’t fucking compete playing air hockey at a junior high youth group retreat. 

Saints 37, Colts 17

Baltimore (4-1) at Jacksonville (1-5)

The Jaguars are on Monday night?  Why?  Who is responsible for this atrocity?  Fuck the Madden Curse this is becoming the Hank Williams Jr. curse. Will it be better than last week’s game?  Sure it will. 

Ravens 19, Jaguars 3

Bye Weeks:  New York Giants, Philadelphia Eagles, San Francisco 49ers, Cincinnati Bengals, Buffalo Bills, New England Patriots

The Giants have to be pissed because if they would have won that Seattle game they’d have box cutters to the Eagles and Cowboys throat’s right now, and I’d be happy as hell.  But remember, the Giants get soft at the end of the season if they start out really hot.  Now Philadelphia doesn’t.  They can afford a slide like they have been having.  Hell, all of the analysts pretty much have them still penciled in as a 1 seed in the NFC where they wouldn’t even make it in at this point.  The Bills and the Bengals just have to be very happy with where they’re currently at.  What I like about the Patriots besides the obvious is Aaron Hernandez.  He’s had a HELL of a year already.  Could you imagine if you owned him in fantasy right now?  The 49ers have some pretty big balls.  This isn’t the year it all comes back (so settle down), but they are going to finish with an excellent record this year. 

Week Eight should be much more exciting, and features a Steelers – Patriots game which are always fun to watch.  See you then. 

We are East End Philadelphia and we don’t fuck around. 

Meehan

NFL WEEK SIX WRAPUP

by Ryan Meehan
 
The NFL is unpredictable this year:  The Indianapolis Colts are 0-6 and the San Francisco 49ers are 5-1.  Thus proving that this is hardly an exact science and the playoffs are going to look much different than a lot of us expected. 

The team that suffered the most severe injury this week was the Oakland Raiders, who lost Jason Campbell for the remainder of the season due to a broken collarbone.  From everything I’m hearing today the Raiders are doing everything in their power to try and convince the Bengals to trade Carson Palmer to salvage their season.  Although I’ve thought that Cincinnati’s front office has been extremely stubborn with the way they’ve held on to Palmer, I’m flip-flopping here and saying they shouldn’t make the trade because of how similar those two teams are.  Think about it:  Both teams are 4-2 and it’s highly unlikely either of them will win their respective divisions.  That might mean that they’re going to be fighting for one of the two remaining playoff spots (the other one will likely be filled by someone from the AFC East) so it wouldn’t make a lot of sense from a strategic standpoint to essentially give Palmer to a team they might find themselves head to head with week seventeen.  I’ve also heard that they are going to take a look at David Garrard, but it’s going to have to be a very long and hard look to see both where his focus has been and how much weight he’s put on since the Jaguars cut him in August.  If that doesn’t work out they’re going to have to drop down to the next level and start surveying the Trent Edwards-type players and maybe even some CFL starters now that their season is winding down. 

Let’s take a look around the rest of the league and see what happened in week six. 
 
Patriots 20, Cowboys 16
 
Tom Brady did not have a great game in this one.  But as he’s done so many times, he led his team down the field with two minutes to go and left virtually no time on the clock for Dallas to retaliate.  There’s a certain awareness of the pace of the game that all of the greats have had.  Montana had it, Elway had it, and Brady’s got it too.  They only scored twenty points and he had two picks, but he always brings it with the game on the line.  Dallas really didn’t play poorly, but they were expecting to see much more disorderly defensive schemes than what New England showed them on Sunday. 
 
Giants 27, Bills 24
 
This was an awfully intense matchup from start to finish and thank God the Giants won.  The two long touchdown runs that the Bills had worry me not just because New York is prone to giving up big plays, but also because both guys ran into the endzone completely untouched.  But when the smoke cleared, the Giants were on top in the NFC East.  Ryan Fitzpatrick made a very key mistake late in the game throwing an interception to Corey Webster on a drive that could have very easily sealed the win for Buffalo.  The Giants’ problem here is you can’t always wait for the other team to make such an obvious mistake in order to set yourself up to win.  You have to actually go out and put yourself in position to do so. 
 
Packers 24, Rams 3
 
Other than the Jordy Nelson touchdown there was really nothing to see here.  I expected the Packers to win by more but a win is a win.  I thought the AJ Hawk thing was funny, flipping off his own sideline.  People need to lighten the fuck up anyway.  Coach McCarthy was trying to downplay the offense getting shut out in the second half, but I find it hard to believe that he didn’t give the whole “OK guys, we’re up by 21, let’s just make sure that nobody gets hurt here and still win.”  I’d give that speech, it’s not like the Rams could overcome a 21 point deficit against even the second stringers on a Super Bowl champion team.  And that Super Bowl champion team is the only undefeated team left in the NFL. 
 
Bengals 27, Colts 17
 
The Bengals are 4-2 and playing some good football behind Andy Dalton.  They won’t win the division I can guarantee you that, but at least they are giving the fans something interesting to watch.  The Colts seem to get worse every week.  Dallas Clark’s one handed touchdown grab was pretty impressive, but something tells me it didn’t really mean a lot to him.  And I’m sure the two late turnovers didn’t perk up his mood either. 
 
Ravens 29, Texans 14
 

Baltimore = Meehan’s Dark Horse.  It’s time for people to start taking the Ravens seriously.  Of course it’s their defense, we all know by now that’s their bread and butter.  But on the other side of the football, Ray Rice is slowly making himself a household name.  He’s a great all purpose back because he can run those short routes and break one for a twenty or thirty yard gain if the opposing team isn’t expecting it to be thrown this way.  If I was playing the Ravens anytime soon I’d certainly point that out in the film room as a lot of teams don’t seem to be taking note.  The rest of the league is doing almost everything possible to make sure the Texans are completely set up to succeed this year and finally take that next step and there they are stuck at .500 poised for yet another second half collapse.  Unreal. 

Buccaneers 26, Saints 20
 
Drew Brees became the first player to throw for 350 yards in 5 straight games, and Saints head coach Sean Peyton was hit on the sideline by one of his own players and suffered a fractured tibia.  I was shocked by the outcome of this game: a big loss for the Saints here against a team which I still believe they are better than.  I’m still not a huge believer in Josh Freeman.  Sure he threw for 303 yards, but his completion percentage wasn’t astounding and he didn’t make any extremely impressive throws.  It will be interesting to see how he handles the pressure of playing at Wembley Stadium in England next week against a revitalized Bears team.  The brightest spot for the Bucs was that they got 109 yards from one Earnest Graham who was starting due to a knee injury to LeGarrette Blount. 

49ers 25, Lions 19
 
Obviously everybody’s talking about the overhyped “confrontation” between the two coaches at the end of this game, but the real story here was the Lions losing at home where they have played very well as of late.  Frank Gore was able to do this week what Matt Forte couldn’t do agains the Lions last Monday night, rushing for over a hundred yards once again.  This might be a potential playoff rematch come January.  It feels as if I should have more to say here but I don’t. 
 
Falcons 31, Panthers 17
 
Atlanta needed this game very badly and they got it.  Michael Turner ran for 139 yards and two touchdowns and their gameplan was 60% rush and 40% pass.  It’s not a guaranteed recipe for success, but I think against mediocre teams that’s what they have to stick with for now.  Carolina keeps losing and Cam Newton is now leading the league in interceptions.  They definitely need more pieces around him to ensure that they’ll end up in the postseason at some point.  He did have a pretty telling quote after the game:  “At some point, you’ve got to look yourself in the mirror and ask yourself what can you do to make it better,” Newton said. “I’m doing a self-evaluation as we speak. It’s not the time that you point the fingers and say, ‘It’s his fault.’ It’s time that we as a team take ownership of ourselves.”  What he’s basically saying is “I can only do so much, everybody throws picks, I need a little bit more out of the rest of the squad.”  He does appear to like to throw to Shockey quite a bit, and Steve Smith is still Steve Smith, but without that two headed monster in the backfield that they used to have, that puts a lot of pressure on a rookie quarterback.  And the Falcons?  Zero turnovers. 

 
Raiders 24, Browns 17
 
One of the good things about having a reliable kicker like Sebastian Janikowski is that the opposition almost never expects you to run a fake field goal.  But that’s just what the Raiders did, and it worked.  As stated earlier, the Raiders lost starter Jason Campbell and replaced him with Kyle Boller, who threw for 100 yards but was unable to punch it in.  The jury is still out on Boller as an NFL starter, and there’s no way Terrell Pryor is ready yet so I’m sure they have plenty of phone calls to make this week.  Either way, the Raiders are doing a majority of their damage on the ground so they’re still in great position to make a wild card run. 
 
Steelers 17, Jaguars 13
 
Mike Tomlin didn’t seem too amped after the end of this one, and with good reason.  Pittsburgh should have won this game by WAY more than 4 points.  There was a strange moment in the late minutes of this one where Troy Polamalu made a great play and suffered what appeared to be a concussion, and some dumbass (I think it was Ryan Clark) came over and knocked helmets with him on the sideline.  Talk about friendly fire…yikes.  The Steelers are banged up in general and that certainly isn’t going to help.  As for the Jaguars, they’re going to make for an excellent punching bag for the Ravens next Monday night.  (And who the fuck scheduled Jacksonville to play on Monday Night Football anyway?)
 
Eagles 20, Redskins 13
 
Rex Grossman threw four interceptions (three to the same guy, Kurt Coleman) and was benched shortly thereafter for John Beck who you won’t become familiar with as soon as the Redskins sink below .500 again.  The Eagles had to win this game and although they didn’t play to the best of their abilities, they are starting to show some return on investment from some of those position players on defense, particularly Nnamdi Asomugha.  I read something really interesting about him this week – he has a condition called Deuteranomaly which is a form of color blindness that causes him difficulty when it comes to distinguishing between lighter colors.  (You’ll never get that five seconds of your life back)  But when you look at the numbers from this game, I’d think that Philly wouldn’t have won this game if Rex Grossman hadn’t done such a shitty job all afternoon.  They dominated in time of possession, LeSean McCoy rushed for 126 yards, and picked off four passes – you’d think that would add up to more than a seven point victory.  I can’t put my finger on it but there’s still something really wrong with the Eagles. 
 
Bears 39, Vikings 10
 
When Jay Cutler gets the blocks he needs, he can be a top-tier quarterback.  He got them ALL night in this one, and the Bears looked very convincing.  It was the absolute opposite of what we saw from the OL in the Monday Night game in Detroit.  Cutler made some really quality throws and just like that the Bears are at sea level again.  The Vikings on the other hand are a different story.  They benched McNabb and finally put in Christian Ponder who didn’t really look all that bad for his first time in a regular season pro game.  Now, I’m not sure if they put him in because the game was out of reach or because they thought that now was the time to make the change but from the way it looks I think they have seen enough of McNabb.  He didn’t throw a poor game, but he didn’t throw a great one either even though plenty of analysts were saying he played decent afterwards.  I’ve been saying Donovan’s career has been over since 2009 and I don’t know why teams continue to give him one more chance, but this is likely the end of the line for him and I don’t believe he’ll get another job.  While I’m laying into the dude, he isn’t a Hall of Famer either.  He also beats the shit out of his wife and he’s a horrible father.  I kind of made that last one up. 

Jets 24, Dolphins 6
 

I can’t think of a single thing that the Dolphins are doing right at the moment.  To say they looked flat would be a serious understatement.  Very predictable, and a bad game.  Tony Sporano = Corey Hart.  Jets got their passing game back but until it’s against a real challenger they aren’t stable just yet. 

Overall comment for the week: 

It may be out of place to point out something that something has become blown so far out of proportion, but I’d like to talk about the way the media has treated the misunderstanding between Jim Harbaugh and Jim Schwarz at the end of the Lions-Niners game.  It was really no big deal at all, and I say this for a couple of reasons.  First, these guys just sat and coached a game where for three and a half hours guys on the field beat the living hell out of each other, and you mean to tell me that one guy walking over to another guy and patting him on the back only to have the other guy go “What the fuck was that for?” was the biggest story of the week?  That’s insane.  The other thing that you have to remember here is that now more than ever coaches are younger and closer to the ages of those playing on the field.  A lot of them are only about a decade removed from the field so it’s easy for them to get so excited about a win in what was a very big game.  I just didn’t see the whole thing as being that big of a deal, but that didn’t stop ESPN from shoving it into our eyes and ears for the following twenty four hours.  The media gets a big fat fucking F for this one.  Between that and the coverage of FOX’s camera crew capturing AJ Hawk giving the middle finger to the sidelines, week six was more like a reality TV show than stack of football games. 
 

Let’s hope that next week is devoid of any such meaningless drama.
 
We are EEP.
 
Meehan

NFL WEEK FIVE PREVIEW

by Ryan Meehan

Fall is here, the leaves are starting to change colors and Week Five in the NFL is here.  My picks are a bit chalk again this week, but it’s almost harder to not pick an upset than it is to pick one.  Nonetheless there is one down there, you just have to look hard for it. 

New Orleans (3-1) at Carolina (1-3)

Time to get high…scoring that is.  It shouldn’t be any problem for Cam Newton to rack up some point against the Saints defense, which can’t exactly stop a train at the moment.  The NFC South is a mess… some weeks I think it’s a tough division but then other weeks I can’t tell if it just appears that way because they beat each other up so much.  I would assume that the Saints will win the division…but at the moment it’s hard to make the argument that anybody really deserves it. 

Saints 38, Panthers 35

Arizona (1-3) at Minnesota (0-4)

Lord knows home field advantage doesn’t seem to do jack shit for the Vikings.  Arizona let a lead slip away against the Giants last week and the offense looked very poor at the end of the game, but I can’t see them losing to the Vikings.  The Metrodome is about to get invaded by some angry birds. 

Cardinals 31, Vikings 15

Philadelphia (1-3) at Buffalo (3-1)

There’s no way I can see the Eagles falling to 1-4.  I mean I’d love to, but I’m sure it would be too good to be true.  Plus, the Giants have to play Buffalo the week after and I don’t want them to gain any momentum.  The Eagles are minus 6 on turnovers, the Bills are plus seven.  The only difference is teams with seasoned veterans know when the street lights are about to go out, and it’s getting dark in Philly.  Vick said Thursday that “all of the Dream Team talk has to be over now”, as they are just fighting to keep their head above water in what’s shaping up to be a very dangerous division race.  And you know Vick never says stuff like that so this must be pretty serious.  If for some reason they don’t win that team is going to implode quickly, but I don’t believe that will happen. 

Eagles 26, Bills 21

Seattle (1-3) at New York Giants (3-1)

The Seahawks traditionally don’t play very well in New York, and I highly doubt this will be any exception.  The Giants are a mystery but in last week’s game against Arizona, Eli looked eeriely similar to the same guy who took a 10-6 team all the way back in ’07.  He worked fast and more importantly than anything, he played with a sense of urgency.  It’s a cliche term for any sports fan to use, but I see a lot of quarterbacks down thirteen or fourteen points that play almost as if the scoreboard were covered with a tarp.  (Jay Culter comes to mind)  Look for the score to be close to my prediction, or a WHOLE lot worse.  As a Giants fan, I hope the game does turn into a blowout early so that maybe we can get some of our starters out of there before our whole squad ends up on injured reserve. 

Giants 32, Seahawks 14
 
Cincinnati (2-2) at Jacksonville (1-3)

Make me give a fuck.  Do it.  Put a gun to my head and convince me to watch.  Not that this game will be on anywhere.  The Bengals did beat the Bills last week at the last second, proving they can at least hang with a team that has to be undefeated before they attract any real attention. 

Bengals 23, Jacksonville 10
 
Kansas City (1-3) at Indianapolis (0-4)

I can remember a playoff game between the Chiefs and the Colts a few years back that was a shootout.  It was back when Dante Hall was “The X-Factor” and Peyton Manning had Marvin Harrison in his prime.  You look at these two teams nowadays and it’s hard to believe that was less than a decade ago.  Curtis Painter gets his first NFL win with an asterisk due to lack of any real competition. 

Colts 24, Chiefs 20
 
Tennessee (3-1) at Pittsburgh (2-2)

The Steelers lost last week but it was to a good team.  I’m still not entirely convinced that the Titans are one of those.  Pittsburgh is very banged up, and it’s highly unlikely James Harrison will play in this game.  They called up Max Starks (who didn’t make the team this summer) to try and help block for Ben Roethlisberger since no one else seems to be interested in doing that.  As for Big Ben, he will play, he’ll just be wearing a custom built protective shoe to try and help him maintain his balance.   If the Steelers get behind early, it’ll be very easy for them to lose control of this game, and that’s exactly what I think is going to happen. 

Titans 22, Steelers 17
 
Oakland (2-2) at Houston (3-1)

I’m on the Houston bandwagon this year.  It’s a pretty sturdy bandwagon to board, as the starting quarterback for the team that’s won that division for the better part of a fucking decade is pretty much out for the year, and anyone who doesn’t have their head crammed up their asshole can tell you that the Titans are about to buckle at some point.  But the Texans have had a rough couple of weeks…they played the Saints in New Orleans who handed them the only loss of the season, then they had to face the defending AFC Champion Steelers who they only beat by one score.  Now they host Oakland, a very confusing team that got their ass handed to them by New England last week at home.  The Raiders have the number one rushing game in all of pro football, but the 22nd ranked passing game.  Houston has the fourth ranked rushing offense, but is only ranked 18th against the run.  So look for Oakland to call about a 65/35 play selection favoring the run.  Texans WR Andre Johnson is going to be out for this game, but don’t look for that to be a dealbreaker.  I like Schaub to get the last laugh here. 

Texans 26, Raiders 21 

Tampa Bay (3-1) at San Francisco (3-1)

I really don’t know what think about the Bucs.  Everybody’s always mentioning how awesome Josh Freeman is but when you look at the stats he’s right in the middle of the pack, and he certainly doesn’t seem very exciting to me.  I visualize Tampa as being pretty much exactly the same thing that they were last year:  A slightly above average team that finishes with a good record but doesn’t make the playoffs.  Then again, I don’t really know what to think about the 49ers either.  Suffice to say we don’t see a whole lot of them out here, seeing as how FOX broadcasts the NFC games and the program director would rather run infomercials for juicers than air a pro football game.  Alex Smith is 29th in passing yards, and San Francisco’s only real strength is in stopping the run.  They’ll need that to combat the 255 pound frame of LeGarrette Blount on Sunday.  Nonetheless, I’ll take San Francisco here because they do play well at home, and Tampa only beat the Colts by a touchdown in their building in a game where they were facing a guy who was making his first NFL start. 

49ers 27, Buccaneers 22

New York Jets (2-2) at New England (3-1)

If I were the Patriots I’d much rather play the Jets in New York now instead of late in the season when they get really hot.  Either way New England should be able to take this one.  I find it interesting that almost every week Rex Ryan comes out with something funny to talk to the media about like everything is OK, but I would guess that the second he jumps back out onto the practice field he’s very unhappy his team isn’t over .500 yet.  And it can’t help that they are playing the Patriots, who know them better than any team in football.  In other words, don’t let Rex’s media-savvy attitude fool you, he’s scared to death of this game. 

Bonus comment:  Sometimes on the televised sports shows, they’ll do one of those “Show Me” segments where they point out what a certain player or team has to prove.  I’d like to do the same thing here to Mark Sanchez and the Jets’ offense:  Show me something in the game that would lead me to believe that everyone on that field is taking home the same playbook every night, because right now I don’t see it.  The Jets-Ravens game last week was full of offensive mistakes:  Fumbled snaps, receivers running the wrong routes, even LaDanian Tomlinson not being able to pick up blocks.  The whole thing was very puzzling. 

Patriots 32, Jets 17
 
San Diego (3-1) at Denver (1-3)
 
Son of a bitch…Doesn’t it seem like every time you go to check out San Diego and what they’re up to, they’re playing some cupcake team?  Sure the have to play the Jets, Bills, and Pats this year…but the rest of the schedule is relatively winnable…save the Green Bay game on November 6th.  (The Chargers match up quite well against the Lions, I’ll go ahead and call that one right now)  This is exactgly the type of game I expect the Chargers to win by at least 20 points.  When they don’t win these games (division or otherwise) by a wide margin, once again I am reminded why they never make it to the Super Bowl. 

Chargers 37, Broncos 13 

Green Bay (4-0) at Atlanta (2-2)
 
In a rematch of last year’s NFC divisional playoff game, the Packers will face off against a team that has drastically underachieved this year even though they sit at .500.  Green Bay is getting all sorts of praise for coming out of the box at 135% and for the most part, it’s well-deserved.  Here’s what worries me:  Their defense is giving up a lot of points, which is scary when they are facing any quarterback that could explode at any given moment.  There are two guys who immediately come to mind as falling into that category: One would be Michael Vick, and the other would be Matt Ryan.  In the end I can’t trust that Packers’ defense enough to prevent the Falcons from running up a lot of points at home.  Upset of the year. 

Falcons 34, Packers 31

P.S.  If for some reason this doesn’t happen, you have every right to talk shit to me in the comments section this week or next week. 

Chicago (2-2) at Detroit (4-0)

The Lions get to host the Bears on Monday Night Football, and who knew they would still be undefeated?  I didn’t.  None of my friends did either.  I’m sure every Bears fan in the area is going to be posting Twitter updates saying things like “The Buck Stops Here, Detroit” and such, but those feeds can’t change the fact that there are only three other teams in the league who are giving up more yards in the air than Chicago is.  The sad thing is, if they continue to run Forte the way they have so far this year, he will end up getting hurt at some point.  If that were to happen, then Marion Barber would be their No. 1 guy providing he doesn’t land on his head after doing a backflip next time he scores.  

Lions 21, Bears 19

Bye weeks:  Dallas Cowboys, Cleveland Browns, St. Louis Rams, Miami Dolphins, Washington Redskins, and Baltimore Ravens
 
What those teams need to do in their bye week:  Dallas obviously needs to ignore all of the media backlash associated with Tony Romo choking away a 24 point lead in the third quarter to a team that didn’t win a single game a few years back.  And they need to actually do so instead of just telling the media they don’t care when they really do, which is generally standard operating practice for most professional athletes.  It’s too late for the Dolphins to do anything but look towards the future:  It’s impossible for them to make a push this year so I’d just let them enjoy their week off.  They’re going to get a Jets team that is either super pissed or chock full of momentum, and the game is in Jersey.  St. Louis knows who their quarterback is, they just need to figure out how to stop the run as they are 32nd in a league of 32 teams.  Same thing with Cleveland who also has to make some serious progress running the ball on offense, averaging only 85.8 yards a game.  Baltimore and Washington really don’t have a whole lot of work to do.  I’m sure they’d tell you otherwise, but the buzz surrounding both of those teams right now is massive.  The Ravens are fifth in ESPN’s weekly power rankings, and Washington now leads the NFC East after every analyst on the North American continent to finish last in a very difficult division. 

Notice how I didn’t mention Brett Favre’s comments about Aaron Rodgers.  That’s because he doesn’t play football anymore and no one should give a shit about his opinion.  
 
We are EEP 

Meehan

 

NFL WEEK FOUR REVIEW: WELCOME TO “YOU’RE WRONG” NIGHT

Another Dead Hero

by Ryan Meehan
 
My apologies to Bill Hicks for the title, or as he would say “Sorry Folks”!

Several writers who do sports predictions will use the phrase “it’s not an exact science” as a horseshit excuse after a bad week.  I was wrong about pretty much everything I had predicted, and it doesn’t do me any good to try and weasel my way out if it so I’ll just own up.  The weekend ended with an interesting twist when ESPN decided to pull Hank Williams Jr.’s opening theme song from the Monday Night broadcast due to an interview that aired the same day in which he compared President Obama to Adolf Hitler.  I’ll let you guess which cable news channel that was on.  Anyway…
 
Tennessee 31, Cleveland 13
 
Looks like we’re going to have to hear about the Titans for another week.  You have to give them some credit…So far they’ve proved that they made the best free agent signing of the year in Hasselbeck, and they’re tied for first in a division where they are used to finishing last.  Chris Johnson has finally got his ass in gear and it’s about time.  As for the Browns?  Colt McCoy threw 61 passes in this game.  I WAS right about the Browns being a fraud. 
 
Chicago 34, Carolina 29
 
The Bears should have won this one by a much larger margin.  They might not even have won it at all if it weren’t for Devin Hester’s punt return touchdown, which broke Brian Mitchell’s record for most career punt returns for touchdowns.  There was a really funny moment in this game where Marion Barber scored a running touchdown and then did a backflip.  That’s silly sounding enough, but he didn’t land it correctly and his faceplant is all over Youtube this morning. 
 
Atlanta 30, Seattle 28

I knew the Seahawks wouldn’t be able to win two in a row.  As you can imagine, this wasn’t much of a ground battle, as there was a total of 80 passes thrown. As lame and irrelevant as the Seahawks are, you have to give Tarvaris Jackson props for hanging in there.  OK, maybe not. 
 
Detroit 34, Dallas 30
 
The best statistic I heard all weekend wasn’t even a statistic at all:  Matthew Stafford went to the same high school as Bobby Layne and Doak Walker.  That’s fucking awesome.  It’s almost as awesome as the fact that the Cowboys were up 24 points in the fourth quarter and still blew it.  Very poor clock management overall by Dallas’ offense.  Why in the world would you continue to throw the ball on your own side of the field when you were picked off on the last drive in the same place?  And if the Cowboys management and coaching staff are constantly saying that Romo shouldn’t have to prove anything, why the fuck must they continue to put him in situations where it appears that he’s trying to prove himself?  I don’t understand.  As for the Lions, Calvin Johnson is turning out to be one hell of a go to guy because he’s at least four inches taller than any corner in the NFL.  If it’s a jump ball he’s got  it. 
 
Washington 17, St. Louis 10

If you’re a Redskins fan, here’s a stat that might bother you a bit:  Tim Hightower (who is otherwise having a great year) only rushed for 24 yards on 8 carries.  Other than that, this game was pretty boring. 

Houston 17, Pittsburgh 10

The Texans are now 3-1, tied for first place in the AFC South.  If this is the year they are going to make that push, they are going to have to hope the Titans bail at some point, because we have ourselves a division race now.

New Orleans 23, Jacksonville 10

I was right about this, I’m just skeptical that anyone watched it. 
 
New York Giants 31, Arizona 27

So this one was a little odd…The Giants got owned pretty much all game.  The typical stupid penalties:  false starts, facemasks, illegal contact were just as routine as the shot of Coughlin that always follows.  But then something happened.  On the last two drives, Eli looked incredible.  He moved down the field quickly and had control over everything that was going on.  He escaped defenders and hung in the pocket and took his shots when the situation called for it.  The Cardinals had this game in the bag, but Kevin Kolb is going to have to end up losing a few like this one in order to really earn his keep in the NFL.  New York’s secondary was very poor…until it mattered most and then they were great. 

Kansas City 22, Minnesota 17

My father and I were up at the bar Sunday afternoon and talking to guy who went to the Lions-Vikings game and he said that the Vikings appear as though they are playing to get Andrew Luck.  I believe it.  As bad as I imagined Minnesota to be, I figured they could at least beat the Chiefs.  They couldn’t, and it serves them right:  Anybody who would have taken that big of a chance with Donovan McNabb after last year in Washington is a dope and deserves it. 
 
New England 31, Oakland 19
 
I was wrong to think this one would go down to the wire.  Tom Brady passed Joe Montana to become ninth in career touchdown passes.  Vince Wilfork is HUGE, and I would have loved to have seen him take that interception to the house.  The only dark spot for the Patriots is they lost Jerrod Mayo to an injury, and it doesn’t look good. 

San Diego 26, Miami 16

I expected this one to be a complete blowout. Contests like this one are the reasons I can’t ever really pick San Diego to go all the way.  A Super Bowl caliber team beats the living shit out of a team like the 2011 Dolphins at home.  It seems weird to say, but the best thing that could happen to the Chargers at the moment would be for the everyone in the AFC West to get a lot better.  Let me explain:  I think what has happened to San Diego is they’ve gotten so used to playing bad teams that when they get to the playoffs they get that kind of “Holy shit, this is for real…” feeling and then they get frustrated and self-destruct. 

Baltimore 34, New York Jets 17

This game I figured would be very low scoring, wrong yet again.  There was plenty of scrapping after the plays were over, as expected.  Very little offense, not even 300 yards total passing between the two teams.  The Jets fumbled the ball five times and lost 3 of them, and it was very obvious that they were not the same without Nick Mangold at center.  They looked very confused on offense all night, and there was an odd moment in this one where Rex Ryan called a timeout to argue a fumble well after the play had been reviewed.  But much like in baseball – you’re not arguing for the previous call, you’re arguing for the next one. It’s sort of an imaginary possession arrow and we all know it’s there.  Either way, it wasn’t going to get them the ball back and I’m not certain it would have made much of a difference the way the Ravens were owning the field at that point. 
 
San Francisco 24, Philadelphia 23
 
Wrong again here as well.  But wasn’t the whole country?  If anybody tells you they had San Francisco to win this game, they’re lying.  This was a huge victory for the 49ers because it showed they could go on the road and beat a team that is supposed to be great.  Frank Gore is the real deal, and the passing game was divided evenly between Morgan and Crabtree.  Who Knew?  Now the Eagles are 1-3 and looking up at everybody.  “Dream Teams” don’t lose games like this. 
 
Green Bay 49, Denver 23
 
Our guest playoff columnist from last year (Joe Feeney) said that if he had to grade the Packers’ performance from this game, it would be an A+ on offense, and a C- on defense.  It’s cliche to say that defense wins championships (especially now with the way the league is protecting the quarterback) but I don’t care who you are, you score fifty and you’re going to win almost every time. 

Tampa 24, Indianapolis 17

LeGarrette Blount weighs 255 pounds.  And the Colts can’t play defense for shit, so it doesn’t surpise me that he ended up with 127 yards.  Curtis Painter did a better job managing the offense, but who wouldn’t? 
 
Topic to think about this week:

If the playoffs started today (yes, we realize that they don’t…) two of the teams who you might not expect to be in would be Washington and Tennessee, both 3-1.  Now, from a fan’s perspective as opposed to some shitbag television executive, does this change your opinion of what the playoffs are supposed to look like?  Does it make it any more interesting since there’s a team that doesn’t belong?  And does the fact that Seattle made it last year have any effect on what defines a playoff team?

East End Philadelphia Fun Activity:

If you listen to AM talk radio this week, count the number of times that you hear the phrase “Changing the culture of losing” when they’re discussing the Lions and act as if that number means anything. 

You’re Welcome. 

We Are EEP

Meehan